Out of the Mouth of Dogs?
by chill13
Summary: While leaving a message Max dropps his shoephone in a river causing all of CONTROL to believe he's commited suicide. And would you believe, A talking dog, deadly catnip balls, and kibbles and bits that can aid KAOS in taking over the world?
1. You Don't Need Me?

**1. ****You Don't Need Me?**

A smartly dressed man in a suit, tie and wing tip shoes creped off the sidewalk and into a dark alley.  His mannerisms made his profession obvious.  (Though this was not the intended affect)  Instead of walking he would slink and his beady eyes were constantly shifting from side to side as if he were watching an endless tennis match in his head, not to mention that his shoe was ringing.  Yes, this man is a spy.  A dedicated agent to the top-secret counter espionage organization known only as CONTROL.

He was now out of the river of people that continued to flow disorderly down the sidewalk.  He swiftly ducked behind a trash bin and glanced around to make sure no one was following him.  Once he was satisfied he reached down and slipped off his shoe that had been continuously buzzing for about two minutes.  He unhinged the sole revealing a microchip wired to a small speaker, receiver and a tiny dialing mechanism.  The shoe stopped ringing as he spoke into it.

"Maxwell Smart, agent 86 here."  He said partly through his nose.

"Have you been able to catch sight of it yet?"  Said a voice over the speaker.

"Just a minute, who is this?"  Max asked suspiciously.

"This is the Chief!  Who else would be calling you on your shoe?"

"Well," said Max scratching his chin thoughtfully.  "You could be a telemarketer trying to sell me foot powder."

"SMART!" 

"Alright," 86 said, jerking the shoe away from his head and putting a hand over his ringing ear.  "So it's you.  There's no need to get huffy Chief."

"Just answer my question."  Said the voice through clenched teeth.

"What question?"

"Have you made visual contact with the suspect?!"

"No I haven't actually seen it but I've been following it closely."  He quickly glanced at a tiny tracking device build into his watch.  "It's directly below me right now."

"Well get down there with it!"

"But Chief, that's under the street.  It's dirty down there and this is a new suit."  The secret agent whined like a kid trying to get out of cleaning his room.

"Smart, this is a very important mission.  In the last month five of our agents have been killed.  The perpetrators have all been animals.  And in each case the victim had information that would have been detrimental to KAOS."

"Ah, yes.  KAOS the international organization of evil."  Said agent Smart, confirming what he already knew as fact.

"In fact a cougar just killed 45 this mourning."

"45?  Wow!  And it did them all this mourning?"

There was a frustrated groan on the other end.  "Not 45 agents Max.  Agent 45!"

"Oh.  How did it happen Chief?"

"You see, somehow KAOS has infiltrated CONTROL security.  Recently every time we plan a raid on one of their hideouts or to break up a smuggling ring they are somehow tipped off.  Well, this mourning 45 called in a panic and wanting backup immediately.  He said that he had discovered how they are getting the information.  He was about to tell us when the animal attacked him."

"Did he give you any clue of how they could be doing it Chief?"

"Sort of.  We think the last thing he said may be a pointer.  But he was out of breath, obviously running, so the words came out garbled.  From all we can make out, his last words were 'tasty tidbits'.  Then he screamed and the line went dead."

"…And apparently so did he."  Max commented as he listened thoughtfully.

"Luckily agent 12 was in the area and he managed to place a tracking device on the animal."

"That's amazing!  How did he manage to put a bug on a killer mountain lion?"

"With great difficulty."  The Chief's voice began to get worried.  "I should have filled you in later.  You'd better get on with your pursuit before it gets out of range."

"Are you sure it's KAOS Chief?  I mean maybe the animals are going on strike against secret agents."

"Max, hurry.  And don't let it see you."  He was getting more urgent.

"I mean really, Chief.  How could a cat be involved in KAOS?  Unless, of course it was dedicated to the subjugation of the entire free world.  In that case it could be a possibility.  But—"

"Max!  Go _on_!"

"You sound annoyed, Chief.  are you having problems?  If you are the best thing to do is to talk about it and get it out of your system.  Because if you just hold it inside—"

"SMART!  Stop talking,  hang up and tail that cat!"  Shouted the voice.  The Chief is an older man in his late fifty's.  He's usually a very tolerant and mild person, but every time he has to deal with Maxwell Smart he gets irritable, not to mention a pounding headache.

"Tail the cat.  That's a good one."

*Click *

"Okay, bye Chief."  He said to the dial tone.  Now he replaced the sole and slipped his shoe back on.

Once again he surveyed the alleyway to make sure there was no observers.  Good, no one was following him.  Or so he thought.  Little did he know that just on the other side of the trash bin (out of his vision) crouched a beautiful statuesque brunette.  She made no sound except the ever so soft rustle as a breeze caught her pastel blue trench coat.  She twirled her short, dark brown hair as she awaited the man's next action.

His next study of the street wasn't for people; it was for a way to get under the pavement.  He was rewarded with a large manhole cover in the middle of the alley.  He marched deliberately over to it and with great effort lifted the cover off the opening.  Agile as a rhinoceros walking a tightrope he lowered himself into the chasm and pulled the lid back into place, only getting his fingers smashed twice.  He was now under the streets n the dark, dank city sewer.  The only light that illuminated the gloomy passageway was the beams that shone from the drainage grating.  

The woman, now satisfied that she could move without being seen by him, stood up and stretched.  Once that was done she pulled out a petite powder case from her purse.  As she opened it, it revealed itself not as a makeup case but a tracking mechanism similar to the one the man had in his watch.  A tiny green line emitted from the center of where the mirror should have been.  As the green line circled the lid of the powder case every time it went over a certain place a tiny red dot would appear.  Little did the man know that the red dot represented him.  She waited until the dot turned a corner before she pulled a crowbar out of her purse.  She easily pried open the manhole cover and descended into its depths.

Max was now carefully edging along the catwalk beside the moat-like sewer waterway.  As he strained his eyes in the darkness he could just make out a low fleeting shadow turn the corner ahead of him.  He quickly tiptoed to the corner and nervously peeked around it.  There it was, two hundred pounds of fur, fangs and muscle stalking silently away from him.  He could see it now and therefore no longer needed his tracking watch, so he turned it off to preserve the batteries.

Just as he did so he heard a soft shuffling sound behind him.  He whirled around.  But all he saw was the seemingly endless maze of the city's underground watercourse.  He shook his head.  _You must be hearing things._  He thought to himself and continued his pursuit. 

The woman held her breath until she was sure Max was on his way.  _That was close.  He almost saw me._  She thought, and she began to follow the spy once again.

To break the monotony as he continued to follow the mountain lion Maxwell Smart began to occupy his mine.  His thoughts weren't very intelligent but they kept him busy.  _So here I am, creeping along a catwalk tailing a cat.  CATwalk,  TAIL a cat._  He chuckled to himself at his little joke.  Hearing the slight sound of Max's amusement the creature turned around and glared Max right in the eyes.  Max's beady eyes widened in horror as he realized what he'd done.  As the giant cat scornfully stared at him from a mere twenty five feet away Max imagined in his minds eye the puma taking a running leap and pinning him to the cold hard pavement.  He thought of those teeth the size of penknives and needle sharp claws,  then of those 45 agents.  Or was it agent 45?

Anyway his mind went into self-preservation mode.  Before agent 86 had any notion of what he was doing he reached into his suit coat and pulled out his 44 out of its holster.  From there everything seemed to happen at light speed.  The trigger was pulled.  The once graceful feline toppled off the ledge and splashed into the murky water.

Max just stood there, his chest heaving and the shot still echoing off the cement walls.  He stared in revered silence at the floating body of the creature.  He was in complete disbelief of his own actions.  The cat had not attacked him, though it probably would have had he not acted.  _It's not like I saved my life or anything.  _He thought.  _Maybe the cat didn't kill me but the Chief sure will._

"Max, are you alright?!"  He heard a voice yell behind him.  He whirled around, pistol still in hand.

"99!"  He said in disbelief.  "What are you trying to do give me a heart attack?"  Then after a moments thought.  "What are you doing here?"

The woman, agent 99 of CONTROL, answered.  "The Chief said he was sure you would need back up sent me to follow you, but he told me to stay well behind.  He thought two people following it directly would be more likely to make the puma suspicious."  She looked down at the fallen creature and once again shouted.  "Oh, Max how could you?!  You weren't supposed to follow it that close!"

Max's ego was already in need of serious medical attention and now he was being told that he wasn't even trusted to perform a routine mission.  And to think that the Chief had sent a _girl_ agent to watch over him.  "He did, did he?  Well I'll have you know that I'm perfectly capable of handling my own cases.  Thank you.  And I sure don't need _your_ help."  Don't get Max wrong;  he loves 99 with all he heart and soul.  In fact she is his wife, he loves no one more.  It's just at the moment he's going through one of those crisis when men feel their unappreciated, and sometimes things are said that aren't intended.

"You don't need any help do you?  Look what you just did!"  She pointed at the lifeless feline.  "You would never get along without my help!"  She cried.  Now she was felling unneeded and unloved and was trying desperately to prove otherwise.

"I could do without you just fine.  Remember I lived alone for years before you came into my life!"  He shouted, meanwhile unintentionally firing his pistol into the sewage..

Tears began to trickle down Ninety-nine's cheeks.  He had cut her to the heart.  What he had said confirmed her worst fear.  His love for her had died.  It seemed like a hundred different emotions were exploding like missiles in her mind.  She was angry at Max for even saying something like that, heartbroken that he felt that way, defensive because she felt that by his words he was insinuating that she had been a poor wife and ashamed because maybe he was right.  She is known as the most controlled at CONTROL simply because only very few have ever seen 99 lose her temper.  But no one can hold it in all of the time.  Her words came out in a loud burst that seemed to be a cross between a scream and a sob.  "Fine!  I don't need you either!"  She couldn't believe she said it.  It wasn't true and she knew it.  This was one of the few times in her whole life she'd actually yelled at anyone in blind rage and as soon as she had she felt ashamed of her actions but her anger for Max was still to hot to apologize. 

These words hit him like a blast of icy air.  He was about to make another cutting remark when he saw the rivers of tears flowing down her cheeks.  Only now did he realize how much he'd hurt her.  He knew it was something he'd said but he wasn't sure which comment it was that upset her.  For a moment he tried to think it out.  _It couldn't be when I said I'd lived without her before I met her.  She knew that.  Maybe it was when I accused her of trying to give me a heart attack.  I didn't mean it literally.  _

His face softened and he took an apologizing step toward her but she backed away.  She quickly turned and ran to the next ladder and ascended.

"99, wait!"  He called after her.  "I'm sorry."  But it was to late she had vanished to the streets above.

Max quietly climbed the closest ladder and pushed open the iron cover. He was now in another alleyway.  He entered the flow of people and, with hands in pockets, slowly trudged in the general direction of CONTROL headquarters.  He didn't want to take a taxi.  He was too depressed to bother with the rude drivers.

After a few blocks of plodding his shoe began to ring once again; but this time he didn't bother to find a deserted side street.  He just stepped into the nearest phone booth.  It took him a little struggling with space before he was able to bend over far enough to reach his shoe.  But in the end he finally slipped it off.

"Smart here."  All the energy and pep had long gone from his voice.

"Where is the cat?"  The voice on the other line was obviously speaking through clenched teeth.

"Uh."  Max hesitated a moment before answering.  "Well, that's kind of a funny story Chief.  You see, I was following it and—"

"I know what you _did_ to it.  Where is the body?"

"It's still in the sewer."

"You mean you just _left_ it there?"  The Chief was on the verge of shouting again.

"Well, what did you want me to do, walk around 'DC with a 200 pound, slime-covered cougar carcass on my shoulders?  Besides what would CONTROL do with a dead cat?  It's not like you could sell the hide or anything.  I mean with all the environmentalists around today.  Not to mention it would smell like…well, you know."

"Not only could it have given us clues essential to the case but it had a million dollar tracking device on it!"

"How could it have given you any information?  After all it's dead, and in that condition I don't think it would be up to talking."

"Get in here, 86, NOW!!"  That said, the phone was promptly slammed onto the receiver making Smart's ears ring again. 

"Coming."  He said into the dead phone line.  The Chief rarely called Max 86, but when he did Maxwell knew he was in big trouble.  He stepped out of the booth before he put his shoe back on; as he did he noticed the man standing by the booth was staring at him.

"What were you doing?"  The man asked with open eyes, shifting his gaze from Max to his shoe and then to the telephone booth.

"What's the matter with you?"  Max asked, irritated at the stupid question.  "Haven't you ever seen someone talk on the phone before?"  He's gotten so use to using his shoe phone that he didn't realize what an uncommon spectacle it was.  He stalked away leaving the man to gawk at someone else.


	2. Would you believe fired?

**1. ****Would You Believe…Fired?**

After a half hour of trudging along the street and feeling sorry for himself he finally reached the large, gray building that held CONTROL headquarters.  He entered the front door and descended a flight of stairs. As he neared the bottom the door that was at the base of the stairs slid open automatically.  Before him stretched a long gray hallway, a red stripe painted precisely down the center, with doors at twenty foot intervals.  He proceeded to pace down the corridor, the doors repeatedly opening for him and shutting behind him.  This was all just routine.  Every day as he went to work he came through these doors proudly with his shoulder thrown back and his head held high.  But this time was different.  His feet dragged against the ground and his shoulders slumped.  He looked pitifully dejected.  At the end of the hallway stood a lone telephone booth.  Max entered it and lifted the headset off the hook.  He dialed in his number, 86, and waited for the tone, once he heard it he replaced it back on the catch.  As soon as that was done a trap door opened and Smart descended into a small closet-like chamber.  Once again a door slid open, reveling the CONTROL lobby.  He stepped into it.

"I've got to see the Chief."  Max said to a stout man sitting behind the reception desk.

"Well you can't see him here.  You'll have to go into his office if you want to look at him.  Although I don't know why; he's not much to look at."

"I know that Larabee.  When I said I wanted to see him I didn't mean… Oh never mind."  He was not in the mood to get into one of Larabee's nonsense conversations.

The chief's door opened for him and he walked in.  99 was standing next to the Chief's desk her arms crossed and eyes averted.

"You called me Chief?"  He said timidly to the balding and scowling man behind the writing desk. 

"SMART!  Have you any idea how important that cat was?!"  The Chief shouted.

"Not even a 'hello' huh?"  Max glanced at 99 and gave her a sheepish smile.  But she refused to even look at him.  He swallowed hard and turned his attention back to the Chief who had now stood up and was pounding on the desktop with his fist.

"That was the most important mission we've had for three years!"  He was saying.  "I gave my full confidence in you and you blew it!"  If you think Max and 99's day was bad you should hear the Chief's story.  In the morning Larabee totaled his car in the parking lot, then, of course, there was the incident with agent 45.  After he got a letter from his brother telling him his only niece had eloped with a wild biker.  At noon he had to call the metal shop and an ambulance to get agent 44 out of the miniature file cabinet.  And to top it all off Max has to shoot their only lead to KAOS.  He really needed to yell at somebody and right now Max was the perfect candidate.

"You never get anything right!"

"Oh, come on, Chief.  Not _everything_."

"Every mission you've had for the last six months you've totally demolished. How do you account for that?"  

"Conspiracy?"

"You've cost CONTROL far over a million dollars in damages just this month!"

"It can't be that much."

"Okay, Max, lets count it.  Shall we?"  He began to list the episodes on his fingers.  "The carpet in the White House."

"It was an ugly color anyway.  Besides, those candles were just an accident waiting to happen."

"Did you know that Professor Parker is still in the hospital."

"Hey, it isn't my fault that 4Ck~ looks exactly like grape jelly.  And the Professor should know better than to leave chemicals just laying around like that."

99 watched the conversation in silence.  She was beginning to feel sorry for Max but she felt he deserved a little punishment for what he'd said.

"You know I don't think you've done _one_ thing right since June?"

"Don't you think you're exaggerating just a little?"

"NO!!  in fact I think CONTROL would be better off without you."

"Just a minute Chief.  What are you getting at?"  Max was use to the Chief getting angry but he's never said that before.

"You know exactly what I'm getting at.  YOU'RE FIRED!!"

Max staggered backward as if he'd just been hit in the chest by a bullet.  But these words hurt more than any weapon.  He finally caught his balance by leaning against a chair.  Even 99 glanced at the Chief in surprise.  "Wh-what?"  He stammered after a moment of complete disbelief.

"You heard me!  Now turn in your pistol and identification card."  Max reached a shaky hand into his suit and brought out his wallet.  He couldn't believe this was happening.  He's worked for CONTROL since he was twenty.  It was all he knew.  He carefully pulled out a card, 'PONTIAC GREETING CARD COMPANY' it said in bold letters next to his photo.  For one last time he held it up to the light and watched his code number appear as well as the CONTROL address and insignia.  He slowly and reluctantly handed it to the Chief.  Tears were welling up in his eyes as he pulled his 44 out of its holster.  Max turned it over in his hand for a moment.  Once again he looked over at 99.  But all he got in return was an icy cold glare. He now knew how a ranking officer felt when they were removed of their stripes.  He gently set the gun in his former boss's hand, but as he let go his wedding ring caught the hair trigger.  They all ducked as the bullet bounced off the metal file cabinet, broke two lamps and an expensive picture frame before it lodged itself in the wall.

"Missed me by that much."  Max indicated the space he was holding between his index finger and thumb.  His relief of not getting hit was immediately crushed as he saw the enraged faces of his former colleagues.  He saw another shower of harsh word about to burst toward him.  He turned and ran into the lobby.

"SMART!!"  Was the only word that reached his ears as he entered the phone booth elevator.  He fought to hold his tears back as he ran back through the hall of doors, up the steps and out onto the street.  He usually took any bad situation with stride and a note of sarcasm, but as he felt his whole world, everything he knew and loved, being pulled out from under him, he couldn't seem to think of anything smart to say.


	3. Oil on the Rocks

**.  Oil on the Rocks**

99 turned to the Chief as he began picking up the aftermath of Max's bullet.  "I can't believe you fired him."

He carried all the junk out of his office and put it in a box in the lobby.  "If Max calls don't answer it."  He said to Larabee as he carried the box passed the reception desk.  Larabee nodded in obedience.

"But Chief," she reasoned, her anger for her husband subsiding.  "You know how long he's been working for CONTROL.  Besides he doesn't know how to do anything besides espionage."

The Chief thought about it for a minute.  After all Max was probably the most loyal agent they had, not to mention the clumsiest.  He rarely asked for a raise.  The Chief even secretly thought of him as a son.  A beady-eyed, over-zealous, sarcastic, whiney, klutzy and slightly dim-witted son, but a sun nonetheless.

"Alright," he said at last.  "But I'm not going to offer him his job back.  He'll have to come and ask."

"Where's Max?"  Asked a monotone voice behind them.  They turned to see a tall figure framed in the doorway.  An emotionless expression was plastered on his face.

"Max isn't here Hymie," 99 said.  "What do you want?"

"I wanted to borrow some oil."

"Well, since I won't be needing this for my car, thanks to Larabee, you can have the rest of this."  The Chief pulled out a half empty quart container from under his desk.

"My hinges have been squeaking."  Hymie explained, and to drive the point home he lifted his right arm making an ear-piercing screech.

"They both nodded their heads in agreement.  The Chief walked over to the small martini tray that stood in the corner of his office.  He picked up a little shot glass and poured some of the oil into it.

"Do you want anything with that?"  He asked Hymie.

"On the rocks would be nice."

The Chief nodded and pulled out a few paperclips a bottle cap and a metal bold out of his desk drawer and plopped them into the glass along with the oil, then handed the concoction to Hymie, who proceeded to drink it.  He then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and said:

"Thanks.  I needed that."

"When was the last time Prof. Windish gave you a tune up?"  99 asked.

"Two months ago.  But all he did was…" he began unbuttoning his shirt.  "…fix a few wires and tighten a bolt or two."  His shirt now open he pushed the center of his chest opening a compartment.  "Some of my circuitry needs to be replaced."  He indicated the cavity in his chest, which held small blinking and gears on a large circuit board.

"That really too bad."  99 patted his shoulder as he buttoned up his shirt.

"Take this stuff out to the trash bin for me."  The Chief handed Hymie the box of junk.  "And shake a leg would you."  Hymie lifted one foot and waved it back and forth.

"No, no.  I mean hurry."

"Oh."  And he left.

The Chief watched him leave.  "Hymie's great to have around but I sure wish he wouldn't take things so literally."  Right now I think I should explain something to you.  (If you haven't already figured it out.)  Hymie isn't a normal human being.  He was originally an android built by KAOS as a machine to do their dirty work for them.  But when Max treated him like a real person instead of just a stupid robot he decided to turn to CONTROL for work.  Not as an agent but as a bank of information and a janitor.  That is after IBM rejected him.

"I'm going home and wait for Max."  99 said as she picked up her purse and walked out the door.  "I have to tell him something.  See you tomorrow Chief."


	4. I Sure Could Use a Sofa

**4.  I Sure Could Use a Sofa**

By then agent Smart was wandering the outer reaches of Washington DC.  He couldn't go home.  He felt so guilty of what he'd said to Ninety-nine that he couldn't blame her for hating him.  "If I'd said the same thing to me I'd hate me too."  He said silently to himself, and then stopped, thought about the concept for a moment then shook his head dislodging the thought entirely.

"Pssst.  86."  He stopped in his tracks when he heard a voice whisper his number.  He looked around for the person who addressed him.

Turn "Who's there?"  He asked.

"around."  He did so, but all he was able to see was a mail drop.  "In here."  He walked over to the mailbox and opened the package compartment revealing a man's face.

"Oh, hi 13 what's up."  

"I'll tell you what's up.  I've been stuck in here all day and Ill I've had to read is bills."

"I mean what do you want?"  Max really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

"A sofa."  

Max scrunched up his nose and was about to say something when 13 interrupted.

"Can I borrow your code book?  My subscription ran out."

"Here, you can have it.  I don't need it anymore."  Max slipped the tiny book through the slot and began to walk away.

"Thanks.  I'll do the same for you one day!"  He called after him.

It was now about ten thirty.  99 paced the floor in front of the telephone waiting impatiently for her husband to call.  She would have phoned him but he had just recently acquired a new shoe phone and for the life of her couldn't remember the number.  She had called the Chief for it but his headset had been left off the hook.


	5. I'm Jumping off a Bridge, Goodbye

**5.  I'm Jumping Off a Bridge.  Goodbye!**

Max was now trudging beck and forth across an old poorly light bridge on the outskirts of the city.  No cars had passed on it for over an hour, and even then all it had been was a rickety little Volkswagen bug with one headlight missing.

At this point he felt his life was worthless.  He didn't know how to be anything besides a secret agent.  After all he'd come into CONTROL as soon as he graduated collage.  He thought about becoming a spy for the FBI but he was certain that his reputation would follow him.  He wanted to go back on his hands and knees and beg for his job back so he could try to fix what he'd done.      

But it wasn't just losing his job that made him depressed.  It was the horrid thought of living a life devoid of 99.  

He sat down on a bench that stood by the railing on the peak of the bridge.  He took his right shoe off and dialed his home number.  "She'll take me back if I apologize."  He assured himself.  "Women like that sort of thing."

99 charged across the room when she heard the telephone ring.  She snatched up the headset, getting her arm tangled in the process.  "Hello?" 

"Uh, hi 99.  It's me, Max, I just wanted to say…"

"Max!"  She cried, and then the phone went dead.  In her excitement she had pulled the cord out of the wall.

"…I'm sorry."  Max finished to the dial tone.  He seemed to have a habit of talking into dead phone lines.  He couldn't believe she hung up on him.  He couldn't live without her approval.  He just wanted this misery to end.  As he sat there absently staring into space he had a thought.  Maybe he would do just that: end his pathetic miserable life.  No one would care anyway.  He reached down for his left shoe and opened a hidden compartment in his heel and took out a small white capsule.  _Here it is,_ he thought,_ my suicide pill.  What is this month's flavor again?  Oh, yeah, lime.  _As he was contemplating weather to use it or not his mind was made up for him.  For at that moment the tiny tablet slipped from his fingers and rolled off the edge of the bridge and fell softly into the river below.  _Oh, well.  I never liked lime anyway._

He decided suicide was a stupid idea in the first place.  But he had an alternate plan.  Even though he was upset he almost smiled at his own cleverness.  He knew how to play on 99's pity.  Not that he did it often, but the few times he'd been in the doghouse he'd discovered that if he looked and acted pitiful enough she always took him back with open arms.  If it works on 99 just maybe it'll work on the Chief too.  Since he knew what Ninety-nine would refuse to answer the phone he decided to call CONTROL.  Once more he opened his shoe phone and dialed CONTROL headquarters, the least he would get was an answering machine.  But he received no such luck.  Larabee answered the phone.

"Hello, who's dis?"

"Larabee, what are you doing there so late?"  Max asked, leaning on the rail.

"I took a nap and by the time I woke up everybody was gone and the door was locked from the outside so I just stayed and read a book.  Who is dis?"  He asked again.

"This is Max."

"Uh, oh.  I'm not supposed to answer the phone when you call so I'm going to hang up and you can call again and that way I won't answer it."

*Click *

Max reluctantly called again.  This time a mechanical voice answered saying that no one was there and to leave a message at the beep.  He did.  "Hello, Chief, 99.  This is Maxwell smart.  I just called because I wanted to say a few things.  First I wanted to apologize to you Chief.  I'm a rotten agent and I should never have been hired in the first place.  I'm sorry about all the cases I've ruined for you.  You'll never have to worry about me botching up another mission again.  Next, and most important I wanted to apologize to 99."  He leaned over the rail and looked out into the darkness.  "What I said was mean and heartless.  I'm not asking you to forgive me, just don't let it upset you because I didn't mean it.  Neither of you will ever have to worry about what stupid thing I might do next.  You were right CONTROL will do better without me.  Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is…" He was interrupted when his grenade cuff link caught on the rail, pulled loose of his sleeve and plunged into the dark void below.  _Uh, oh._  He thought.  _If that hits something downstream…I better go get it.  _Then he remembered he was on the phone and quickly ended his message:  "I'm jumping off a bridge.  Goodbye."  As he hastily tried to hang up his shoe slipped out of his fumbling hands and splashed into the murky depths.

"Oh no!"  He cried, as his favorite possession hit the river.  _I've got to get it back!  _He thought as he took his suit coat off.  He didn't want his carbon-paper jacket to get wet.  Now he climbed up on the rail and stared down into the dark void below him.  He was just about to jump when a voice startled him.

"Hey, wait!  Don't do that!"  He turned to see who interrupted his thoughts, but his movements caused him to fall forward, knocking his coat into space.  Suddenly there was no ground beneath him his brain began screaming at him _'what's wrong with you, you idiot.  You can't swim!'  _As this piece of information hit him he began clawing for something to grab on to.  In a split second he fell his fingers caught the bottom bar of the railing.  A hand grabbed his and painstakingly dragged him back onto the bridge.  Two exhausted men sat panting on the cold concrete.   Max's savior was a thin person somewhere in his early thirty's with a head of flaming red hair and a pair of large glasses perched precariously on the side of his nose.  He pushed them back in place.

"What were you doing?!"  The man shouted at Max.

"I was jumping off a bridge.  What did it look like I was doing?"  Smart explained calmly.

"What ever happened can't be that bad."  He said, helping the former spy to his feet.                     

"Yeah, but you haven't had my day."  Max dusted himself off.

"I'll tell you what Mr., uh…"

"Smart, Maxwell Smart.  And your name is?"

"Mark Benson.  I'll tell you what Mr. Smart.  Why don't I take you out to dinner, and you can tell me what's on your mind.  You'll feel better after you talk to someone and have something to eat, I promise."

"You'd go to all that trouble for me?"  Max asked suspiciously.  The man probably thought he had been trying to commit suicide.  He was about to explain that he wasn't when the hollow feeling in his stomach stopped him.  After all he had thought about the prospect.  So if he took the offer it wouldn't exactly be deceitful.  And he did remember the CONTROL therapist saying that talking about something can make you feel better.    

"Sure.  Come on."  Mr. Benson beckoned him down the street.  Max followed and they began walking to Mark's car, which was parked just a few blocks from the bridge.

"What happened to your shoe?"  Mark asked.

"It's a long story.  It's seven o' clock."  Max looked at his watch, which had reverted the tracking mechanism into the digital time. "Do you think we can find a restaurant open?"

"We'll find one open of I'll open one."  Mark gave him a friendly slap on the back.


	6. No Shirts No Shoes and Service

**6.  No Shirt, No Shoes, and Service**

As it turns out they did find a place open; a bar and grill that didn't close until four in the mourning.  As they walked in no one paid any mind to Max's unshod foot, his torn undershirt or empty holster strapped over it.  Apparently this wasn't one of those 'no shirt no shoes no service' joints.  A heavyset barmaid showed them to a booth and slapped down a couple of dirty menus.

"What'll ya have to drink?"  She asked, blowing a lock of hair out of her eyes.

"I'll have a Scotch on the rocks."  Max said.  The maid raised one eyebrow.

"And you?"  She turned to Mark, who insisted on water.  "I suggest he special."  She stated flatly.

"What is it?"  Mark asked.

"You don't want to know."

"Uh, we'll look at the menu, thank you."  Mark said courteously.  Max squinted at the dirty piece of paper then wiped some of the crud off of it with his sleeve.

"That's better."  He said aloud.  "I think I'll just have a hamburger."  He handed her back the slightly cleaner menu.  She looked expectantly down at Mark.

"I'll just stick with water."  He gave her the menu and wiped the crud off his hands.  The watched her stomp off with Max's order.  There weren't many people there.  Just a couple of guys sitting at the bar and an old woman in the far table that kept dipping her dentures in her water glass.  Mark turned back to Max.

"You want to talk about it?"  Asked Mark.

Max sighed.  He supposed he had to tell somebody.  But he made sure not to give any information about his identity…or former identity.  "Well, I had this big fight with my wife.  Now she hates me.  I called her to tell her I was sorry and she hung up.  And I lost the only job I've ever known.  And everybody hates me."  Max pouted.

"Can't you think of a few friends?  I'm sure not _everybody_ hates you."  Mark tried to give encouragement and a listening ear but he wasn't used to playing shrink.

"Well, there is Hymie.  It's almost impossible for him to hate at all."

"Hymie?"  Mark scrunched his face up at the mention of the strange name.

"His father's name was Hymie."  Max said in defense.

"Oh.  Anyone else?"

"There's Fang, my dog.  Then there's 44 and 13, I think they still like me."  Max brightened only a bit.

"Forty-four and thirteen?"

"In my job we use our call numbers instead of our names."

"Oh."

Maxwell sighed again.  "Well, I was suppose to follow this cat and I accidentally killed it.  Then I found out my wife was following me and I kind of got mad because my boss didn't trust me and she got mad because of something I said.  Then my boss got mad because I killed the cat and he fired me."  He gasped for air, for he had said all of that in one breath.

"Why were you following a cat?"  Mark was completely confused.  Smart took a long sip on his water.  He decided not to say anymore for fear of revealing his identity.  After a long moment of silence Mark spoke up.  "I can relate to loosing your job.  I lost mine about a week ago and my reputation hasn't allowed me to get a new one."

"What did you do?"  Max asked, relieved to get the focus off of him.

Mark straightened his glasses and squirmed in his seat a bit before he spoke.  "Let's just say I had some very strong suspicions that something fishy is going on in the pet food warehouse.  Anyway I went to the police and told them that a secret organization called KAOS is trying to brainwash our pets.  To make a long story short they threw me out then my boss fired me for being a quack."

"Oh, you're that crackpot I read about in the paper."  He took another long swig from his water then his eyes widened in realization.  In his surprise he spit the water back in the glass before choking on it then almost shouted:  "You know about KAOS?!"

"You…you mean you know about KAOS?"    

"You probably won't believe me but I'm an agent for a top secret section of the government called CONTROL, whose prime goal is to counter the organization of evil and rottenness, KAOS."

"This place will be in chaos if you don't stop yelling,"  said the barmaid who plopped a plate of what passed for a hamburger on the table.  "There you are."  She walked away again.

"I found out about it a few months ago when I accidentally intercepted one of their messages."  Mark began explaining.


	7. The Day Maxwell Smart Jumped off the Tal...

**7.  The Day Maxwell Smart Jumped Off the Talahassee Bridge**

"It was now midnight and Larabee couldn't sleep.  He got up and turned all the lights on in the CONTROL lobby.  After a minute of unintelligent thought he picked up the telephone and dialed the Chief's number.  With his tweaked logic he figured that if he couldn't sleep than nether could anyone else.

The Chief had replaced the headset back on the hook since 99 had called and it was now ringing like crazy.  He groaned and rolled over in bed hoping it would stop.  But after five minutes of procrastinating he finally picked up the phone.

"Hello?"  His voice was rough.

"Did I wake you Chief?"  Larabee asked as he twirled the cord.

The Chief looked at the clock on his nightstand.  "Of course you woke me!  It's midnight!"

"Oh, well I just called to tell you Max called.  I think he went swimming."

"He what?"

"Here I'll play the message for you."  He pushed the answering machine button and held the earpiece up the speaker.  Max's miserable voice started his farewell message.  "Hello Chief, 99.  This is Maxwell Smart.  I just called because I wanted to say a few things.  First I wanted to apologize to you Chief.  I'm a rotten agent and I should have never been hired in the first place.  You'll never have to worry about me botching up another mission again.  Next, and most important I wanted to apologize to Ninety-nine.  Wheat I said was mean and heartless.  I'm not asking you to forgive me, just don't let it upset you because I didn't mean it.  Neither of you will ever have to worry about what stupid thing I might do next.. You were right; CONTROL will do better without me.  Well, I guess I'm just trying to say is…I'm jumping off a bridge.  Goodbye."  As the voice stepped a loud splash could be heard.

The Chief couldn't believe his ears.  Max had actually done it.  A knot formed in his chest as he remembered uttering the words 'CONTROL will do better without you.'  He knew for a fact that they weren't true.  "How long ago did Max call?"  He asked.

"About an hour ago."

"Get Hymie out of the janitor closet and have him trace the message.  I'm coming down."  He turned his bedside lamp on, hung up the phone than quickly picked it up again and dialed Max's home number.   

99 had fallen asleep on the couch with the telephone in her lap and Fang at her feet.  The ringing startled her awake.  She snatched up the receiver.  "Max?"  She said hopefully.

"This is the Chief.  Come down to headquarters immediately and bring K-13!"  Fang's ears perked up as he overheard his call number.

"What is it Chief?  Is it Max?"  She hoped with all her might that it wasn't.

"Yes.  Hurry."

"What is it?  What happened?  Is he alright?"  She was frantic.  She had to know.

"I'll tell you when you get there.  Just hurry."  The Chief knew she wanted these questions answered immediately but there wasn't time.  He hung up, slipped his shoes on and grabbed his coat, not even bothering to change out of his pajamas.

99 didn't even stop to grab her purse.  She was out the door in a second, Fang at her heels.  They both jumped into Max's little red Porsche and sped off.  She would have gotten a ticket for speeding had a police car been within view.  She arrived a CONTROL at the same time the Chief was exiting his taxi.  Ninety-nine followed him as he unlocked the door and turned on the lights.  The three of them ran down the steps, raced through the automatic doors and entered the tiny phone booth.

"Chief, will you please tell me what's going on."  She begged as they entered the reception area.

"Not yet."  He marched up to Hymie who was now wired to the answering machine.  "Where did that message come from?"  He demanded.

"Directly on the Tallahassee Bridge."  He stated, unhooking the machine from his arm.

"Oh, no."  The Chief held his head in his hands.  "That's what I was afraid of."

"What?  What?"  99 pleaded.

"I think Max just committed suicide."

"I don't believe that Chief!  Max just wouldn't do such a thing!"  She cried, sickened at the mere thought.

The Chief sighed and pushed the button on the answering machine.  99 listened as Max's distressing message played itself out again.  She could scarcely believe what she was hearing.  It was Max; there was no mistaking that nasal voice of his.  But what his words implied was so uncharacteristic.  Why would an over-zealous, egotistical spy kill himself?  Yet there seemed to be no hidden message behind his words, no subtle hint that he could be in KAOS custody.  No evidence that the call was forced.  

The Chief waited until it stopped then grabbed three flashlights out of his desk drawer.  "Come on Hymie, Larabee we've got to get down there!  There's still a chance he might be alright."  Ninety-nine felt faint as she followed into the cramped elevator.  The all dashed down the hall and out the front door, not bothering to lock it, and piled into Larabee's Cadillac.  Hymie got into the drivers seat, for at the moment he was the only one levelheaded enough to drive.

"Go to the Tallahassee Bridge.  And step on it!"  The Chief shouted.

"Step on what?"

"The gas pedal!"

"Oh."  His mechanical foot stomped don to the floor, and they roared out onto the Washington streets.

99 shook her head trying to comprehend everything.  A knot formed in her throat as she thought of what allegedly had occurred.  But she kept swallowing it and telling herself that it wasn't yet fact.  She rejected the thought.  It just couldn't be true.  But then she thought of the sorrow in his eyes when he had got the cold shoulder from the Chief and her and tears began to seep into her eyes.  Yet she held them back, refused to let them fall.  Max just couldn't do such a thing.  He had to know that she really loved him.

In about fifteen minutes they arrived at the same ill-light bridge where Maxwell Smart had stood scarcely two hours earlier.  Hymie parked on the side of the road in front of the overpass.  The all clambered out of the car.  The Chief handed Larabee and 99 a flashlight and kept one for himself.  Hymie unhinged the tip of his index finger, turning on a tiny but powerful light bulb that was imbedded in the tip.

"You guys take that side of the river.  99, Fang and I will take this side."  The Chief pointed across the bridge.

"What are we looking for Chief?"  Larabee asked. 

"Any sign of Max."  The Chief was worried sick and felt accountable for the things he said, but he tried his best to conceal it.

"Find Max, Fang."  Ninety-nine said contradicting her hopes, as they climbed down to the bank.  K-31 looked up at her and cocked his head.  He could sense her anxiety but didn't understand her request.  He hadn't really been listening when the Chief was explaining everything.  At that moment he had been more interested in eating Lara bee's sandwich.  "Max."  She said to him deliberately.  He began wagging his tail.  He understood that word.  He began sniffing the ground searching for his owner.

They commenced marching downstream, searching every inch of the bank with their flashlights.  As Fang ran out ahead 99 kept telling herself that they wouldn't find anything and that when she got him Max would be thee waiting for her.  She was snapped out of her hopeful thinking by K-13's sharp barking.  She and the Chief ran to Fang who was yipping shrilly and pawing at the ground.  Once thy reached him they spotted what he was so excited about; there, settled in the sand, was a black waterlogged, wing-tipped shoe with the sole removed revealing a microchip and a makeshift telephone.  At the sight of it 99 fell to her knees and burst into tears.  She picked up the memento and held it close to her.  The Chief knelt down beside her putting an arm around her quivering shoulders.  He was no longer able to hold back the stream of saltwater in his own eyes as she threw her arms around him and wailed on his shoulder.

Fang now understood.  He crept over to Ninety-nine and laid his head on her lap and whimpered.

At that moment Larabee shouted across the river.  "We found somethi'n Chief!  Max must have been hot or somethi'n 'cuz he threw his carbon paper jacket in the river."  The reality of the thing had not yet penetrated Larabee's dense brain.

"99, what's wrong?"  Hymie called.  With his radar ears he could have heard a bug crawling on the other bank, not to mention a woman's shrill sobbing.  When neither of them answered he knew something was wrong.  His bionic joint squeaked slightly as he ran back up the bank and across the bridge leaving Larabee's stout figure panting behind him.

"What's wrong?"  He repeated in his monotone voice once he reached his associates.

"Haven't you figured it out yet?  Max is dead!"  The Chief shouted, as he held 99's trembling figure close to him.

It was hard for Hymie to understand this piece of information.  Oh, sure it was a risky line of work and ever so often an agent would never return to work.  But Max was different; he was Hymie's one true friend.  The Chief and 99 were kind but Max was the only one who treated him like a real person.  When anyone else would listen to his problems or offer him a drink they always found it humorous that a robot did these things.  However when Max listened to his troubles it was in sincere concern, or when he offered him a drink it was just a casual gesture of friendship instead of an amusing novelty.  And when most people wanted things of him they demanded them, thinking he hadn't any feelings, but agent 86 would always ask.  He could sense his eye liquidation overflowing.  He memory banks replayed the kind words Max had said to him less then three years ago:  "Don't cry Hymie.  You'll rust your eyeballs."  Maxwell Smart just had to come back.

No one spoke in the car on the way back to CONTROL command center.  The only sound was the 'widow's' incessant sobbing.  When she reached home she threw herself onto the bed and cried until she was finally lost in sleep. 


	8. One Loooong Night

**8.  One Loooong Night**

It was now two hours since Max and Mark had entered the bar and Mark was just finishing up his lengthy explanation of how he had accidentally stumbled onto KAOS.  Shortly it was this:  He is a vet but his hobby is inventing technology.  One day someone brought in a cat that she had allegedly hit with her car.  The woman had made it a point to wink as she handed the feline to him.  He did an x-ray on it but instead of finding any broken bones it revealed a tiny microchip behind the animal's ear just under its skin.  He removed it without any pain to the uninjured cat.  He came out and told her the animal was unharmed as far as he could see but he would like to run some more tests just to make sure.  The woman said 'thank you Dr. Jenson'.  He informed her that his name was Benson and Dr. Jenson worked at the veterinary hospital across town.  At that she began yelling and demanded that her cat be returned to her immediately.  He didn't argue.  The cat was restored to her but he didn't mention the microchip that he still held in his pocket.  He stayed late at the clinic that night, he wasn't patient enough to take the chip home so he fed the information into the reference computer.  To his astonishment the microprocessor held a sinister plot to create a brand of pet food with microscopic devices inside, some that automatically navigate to the animal's brain allowing the owner of a certain remote to be able to completely control the creatures' movements and to others go to the eyes and ears that sent sight and sound messages to a large computer.  Before he was able to finish he felt a sharp pain in his back and in an instant felt himself slipping into unconsciousness.  The janitor found him in the morning lying on the floor with a syringe of anesthetic in his outstretched hand.  The janitor shook him awake.  At first he was a little groggy put as soon as he remembered what had happened he snapped awake.  He franticly began looking for the chip but it was nowhere to be found.  He ran to the police and told them what had happened and what the microchip had revealed.  But they just laughed and said he'd been reading too many comic books.  So he decided he'd take matters into his own hands and find out who was doing all this.  So far he found a secret passageway just outside the warehouse but hadn't had a chance to see where it lead.  He also found the head of the operation was a woman named Carol O'Shannon, who hand and infatuation with big cats and was a very prominent person in the community.  But unknown to anyone but Mark she was also a loyal informer for KAOS.

"Wow," Max said as Mark finished his story.

"So will you help me Mr. Smart?"  Mark's eyes were pleading.  "Everyone thinks I'm crazy."

"Well who am I to argue with everyone.  But sure I'll help.  After all I owe it to you."  

"Boy it's one o'clock already."  Mark looked at his watch.  "We'd better get to bed."  He stood up then turned to Max  "Look, if you don't want to go home tonight you can stay at my place and we can discuss the crisis in the morning."  Max was surprised and somewhat suspicious of this offer but he really didn't want to go home to the wrath of 99 so he accepted the proposal.

"It's settled then.  Let's go."  Mark slapped a five-dollar bill on the table and told the barmaid to keep the change.  "I'll lone you a pair of shoes when we get home.  That is if Murphy hasn't eaten them all by now."  Mark said as they got into his little white Honda.

"What?"

"Oh, Murphy's my dog."  It didn't take them long before they reached an apartment building.  Mark walked up to the one marked 32 and knocked on the door.

"Why are you knocking on your own door?"  Max's question was immediately answered when a voice called out from behind the door.

"Who is it?"

"It's me Mark.  Now let me in."

"How do I know it's you?  You could be a bad guy or something pretending to be Mark."  Max didn't know who was behind that door but whoever it was sounded like good spy material.  

"If you don't let me in you won't get your biscuit tonight."

            The voice paused as if contemplating this information, then said:  "Okay." The knob turned and the door was opened.  Mark turned on the light.  Max glanced around the room looking for the person who had opened the door but the only living thing in sight was a large shaggy looking dog.  

"Where's the guy who let us in?"  Max asked.  Mark got an awkward look on his face.

"Well, uh, Mr. Smart meet Murphy."  He pointed at the dog that was now giving Max a suspicious look.

"Who is this guy anyway?"  The dog said as he circled Max.  Max's eyes opened wide.  Was this dog actually talking to him?  After a moment's thought his shock melted.  After all this was not the first time a canine had spoken him to.  His thoughts turned to the night he was on the Orient Express when a KAOS agent had addressed him through a transmitter hidden in a dogs collar.  He turned to Mark.

"Okay, what's the gag?"  He leaned down and began searching the dog's collar for any sign of tampering.  Sure enough the whole collar was a speaker.  "What's this all about?"  Max asked touching the collar that seemed to be imbedded in the dogs skin.

"Keep your cold hairless hands off me!"  Said Murphy snapping at Max's hand.

"Murphy," Mark sighed, "sometimes I think it would be easier if I'd never made that thing."

"Made what?"  Max asked suspiciously.  He wasn't sure about this, after all he's only known this guy for a couple hours and for all he knew he could be a KAOS agent.

"Well, you see, that collar," Mark explained, "takes the mathematical equations of what he hears and translates them into the complex figures of sight so he will comprehend any human speech he perceives.  Then it also takes the thoughts he wants to express and transmutes them into verbal communication through the sound system of the collar.  Got it?"

"I understood all of it except one part."  

"What part was that?"

"The part after 'well, you see'."

Mark groaned.  "In other words it turns people language into doggy language, and doggy language into people language."

"Right."

"Not very bright is he?"  Murphy indicated Max.

"Leave him alone," Mark scolded, "He's had a rough night."

"I've had a rough night too."  The mutt stood up defiantly.  "You forgot to fill my food dish before you left!"

"Oh, how thoughtless of me!" Mark looked down sarcastically.  "You've only been eating all day."  He turned back to Max who was still staring at the dog.  "I'll get you some blankets and something to sleep in."  Mark disappeared into the bedroom for a moment.  He came out carrying a bundle of material including covers, a pillow, and a pair of pajamas.  He handed them to Max who began to make up the couch.  Mark went into the kitchen and came out with a glass of milk.

"If you get hungry help yourself to…" He stopped mid-sentence as he watched Max furiously fluffing his pillow.  When he was through he slipped it under his feet and laid his head flat on the couch.  "What are you doing?"  Mark asked.

"I'm going to bed."  Max looked up from his awkward position.

"I mean why did you put the pillow under your feet instead of under your head?"

"And I thought a smart guy like you would know something like that."  Max shook his head scornfully.  "When you elevate your feet all the blood runs to your brain, that way you have more intelligent dreams."  Max explained matter-of-factly.

"Mark stared at him for a moment then walked into the bedroom shaking his head trying to dislodge Max's logic.  He quickly slipped into his pajamas then into his warm bed.  He watched as Murphy walked in a circled three times then collapsed in his basket.  He then turned his attention out the window and the violent storm that had suddenly arisen.  He watched as the wind howled and the rain beat against the glass.

He took his glasses off and set them on the nightstand next to his bed.  The pillow felt so soft as he gently laid his head on it.

All of a sudden a flash of bright light illuminated the room for a split second.  It was shortly followed by a deafening roll of thunder.  Following closely behind the lightning and thunder was two shapes flying through the air and landing on the bed.  He quickly grabbed his glasses and put them on.  It was still too dark for him to see so he turned on the small lamp next to his bed.  All he could see was two large lumps of covers on either side of him he carefully lifted the right side of the blanket revealing max curled up beneath it.  He was deathly pale and his beady eyes had grown wide in complete terror.

"I hate lightning."  He said in explanation.

There was a whimper on the other side of him and he felt a cold wet nose rub against his ankle.  "What's the matter with you two?"  Mark asked.  He couldn't believe a grown man was acting this way.  A dog was one thing but a tough secret agent was another.  "It's just a little thunderstorm."  There was another flash of lightning and clap of thunder.  The lamp flickered for a moment then went out.  Mark flipped the switch a couple of times but the light didn't return.  "Well, the power's out."  

"I don't know about James Bond here," the dog said from under the covers, "But I could have figured that out."

"Why don't the both of you go to bed and we'll talk in the morning.  Okay?"  Mark was tired and felt like yelling at the both of them but he reluctantly dept his cool.

"I can't go back in there!  The spy's voice quavered.  "The lights are out and the gollywoggles might get me."

"What?"  Both pet and master said at once.

"And I didn't even have time to check if there were any KAOS agents under my bed."  Me whined.  "Hey, what's this long furry thing under my foot?"

"Ouch!  That's my tail you idiot?"

"Ah, your nose is cold!  Move over mutt!"

"STOP IT!!"  Mark yelled.

"He started it."

"Did not."

"Did to."

"Did not."

"Did to."

Mark let out a prolonged groan.  It was going to be a long night.


	9. Is it Really True?

**9.  Is It Really True?**                  

Ninety-nine slowly woke as the light from the window fell upon her face.  _What a nightmare._  She thought without opening her eyes.  She felt a warm body next to her as she rolled over.  Snuggling closer she whispered'  "Good morning honey.  I hope you forgive me for all those nasty things I said yesterday."  She felt a wet spongy thing lap at her face.  At this unexpected sensation she opened her eyes and saw Fang who was contentedly laying beside her in a heap of his own shed hair and chewing up the remains of Max's shoe phone.

"Oh, no!"  She cried.  "Then it really is true!"  But she had to make sure.  She leaned over and pulled both of the bedpost knobs out of their sockets and dialed CONTROL's number with the hidden panel.  She held one to her ear and one to her mouth as she listened to it ring.  Larabee answered.

"Larabee is it true?"  Tears were beginning to run down her face again.

"It depends on what it is."  

"Just let me talk to the Chief."  There was a click and then the Chief's cheerless voice came up.

"Hello."  

"Did last night really happen or was I just having a nightmare?"

The Chief wanted badly to be able to tell her that she had just been dreaming.  He had hoped the same thing than morning himself but he knew it was just wishful thinking.  "I-I'm afraid it was real 99."  He said softly.  "His funeral is today at noon."  He could hear her burst into tears on the other end.

"Poor Max!"  She yelled then sullenly hung up.

Larabee turned to the Chief after he had hung up.  "The funeral's today?  We only found out what happened last night."  The head of CONTROL nodded soberly.

"We've had his funeral planned for years now."  He stared sadly into space.  "He was the only agent who would take one suicide mission after another and still say 'and loving it'.  His eulogy was written before his second suicide case."  He shook his head in uncertainty.  "It's just so unlike Max to do something like this."  The Chief buried his head in his hands.


	10. The Funeral

**10.  The Funeral**

Back at Mark's apartment the sleeping arrangements had been changed.  Max, who was curled up tightly hugging his pillow and Murphy who was twitching and drooling in his sleep now occupied the bed.  Mark was now sprawled uncomfortably on the floor glasses still hanging crookedly on his face.

Murphy's tail flipped involuntarily around Max's face.  His nose twitched at the sensation of dog hairs brushing under it.

"Ah-ah-ahchoooooooo!"  Everyone jumped awake at Max's nasal explosion.

"Gesuntite."  Murphy said as he yawned.  Max attempted to spit out the hair that he had inhaled in his sleep, but he only succeeded in swallowing a fur ball.

"Why don't you keep your hair to yourself?"  Max pouted huffily.

Mark straightened his glasses then glanced at the clock on his nightstand; 2:00 AM, it read.  He took his glasses off, then cleaned them and put them on again but the clock still read the same.  After a second of confusion he remembered that the storm had put the power out.  He then took his watch off the nightstand and put it on his wrist.  It stated the correct time: 10:00.

"Wow!  We slept in late.  We'd better get dressed and have breakfast so we can hurry up and call your boss."  Mark jumped up and opened his closet.  "Here, you can wear this."  He handed Max a T-shirt, pair of Levis and some tennis shoes.  Max looked at them in disgust, after all he _always_ wore a suit, but nevertheless he shed his PJ' and put them on not wanting to offend his host.

"Before I go anywhere in your cloths there's one thing I want to know:  If you get mad at me in public well you take them back?"

After he was through he walked into the kitchen where Mark was now getting out cereal and milk while Murphy was wolfing down his dog food.  When Mark caught sight of him he tried to suppress a laugh but failed miserably.

"What's so funny?"  Max asked indignantly.

"I just didn't realize how short you are."

"I am not short."

"Look at your pants."  Max looked down at his feet where Mark was pointing.  Indeed the jeans were way too long.  The backs dragged the ground and he dept stepping on them with his heels.  The fronts draped over the tips of his sneakers.

"I'm not short, you just have very long pants."  By now Murphy was done with his food and was listening to the conversation.

"Anyway, I think you better roll them up before you trip on them."  Said Mark as he put breakfast on the table.

"I can handle this myself.  You see I'm just going to roll them up so I don't trip on them."

"Brilliant isn't he?"  Murphy said as he got up on the couch.

"Thank you."  Said Max, not noting the sarcasm in the dog's voice.

Mark rolled his eyes.  "We've got to hurry up and eat so we can call your agency."

"Right."

It was now 11:30 and 99 was just finished getting dressed.  She was in all black, shoes, dress, and veil, the whole works.  Even Fang wore a black bandana.

She was still crying as she grabbed her purse and walked out the door K-13 at her heels.  She didn't hear the telephone ring as she walked down the hall.

"She's not home."  Max hung up the phone.  "I just don't understand it.  No one is at CONTROL. The answering machine isn't even working.  I'll bet Larabee broke it.  He's always breaking things."

"I bet everyone had a party as soon as you left."  Murphy commented from the couch.  Max had been right in his assumptions.  Larabee had obliterated the answering machine when he had tried to take the tape out that morning.

But Murphy's guess had been way off the mark, for at that moment most of the CONTROL personnel were standing mournfully in the CONTROL cemetery.  Ninety-nine stood solemnly next to the Chief wiping her unsuppressed tears with her handkerchief.  The eulogy had just been concluded.

"He was so brave!"  She cried.

Everyone nodded at her appraisal.  "Yes he was brave."  The Chief said.

"And so young!"

"Yes he was young."

"And intelligent."  There was silence after this comment.  She admitted that this was not one of Max's qualities, so she tried again.  "Loyal?"

"The Chief nodded.  "Yes he was loyal."

Looks of surprise and suspicion were exchanged as two men walked through the small crowd.  They both wore turtleneck sweaters and black leather jackets.  One was tall and well built with eyes inset and close together.  The other was slightly shorter with a small scar on his left cheek, a blond mustache and a hat with the KAOS insignia on it.  As they walked up to 99 the shorter one was the first to speak.

"'Allo 'Cookie'."  He spoke in a deep German accent.

"Sigfried!  What are you doing here?"  She cried in surprise.

"Not to vorry Miss. 99.  I just came to pay my respects."  He handed her a small bouquet of flowers.

The Chief looked at Sigfried in suspicion.  "I thought Max was your archenemy, and you guys swore to kill each other on sight."

"My archenemy and very goot friend."  He corrected.  "On ze outside I vas vantink to kill za man but on za inside… vell let's just say he had a vay of gettink under your skin."

"He sure did."  

During this conversation the larger of the KAOS agents had been sniffling and wiping his eyes.  Sigfried turned his attention to him.

"Shtarker!"  He yelled.  "Zis is KAOS!  Ve don't cry here."

The underling quickly dabbed his eyes and put his hanky in his pocket then said: "Sorry Sigfried.  I forgot zat rule."  Sigfried rolled his eyes.  He then turned, clicked his heels and marched off with Starker following loyally.


	11. The Note and the Enemy

**11.  The Note and the Enemy**

Meanwhile Mark, Max and Murphy were just arriving at CONTROL headquarters.  Max's thoughts had been if they couldn't contact the Chief by phone that they could try the old fashion way: write a note. 

Max walked up to the front door and found it locked.  He just shrugged and pulled out his key.  His previous departure from CONTROL he had forgotten to turn it in.  He opened the door and Mark and Murphy followed him inside.  

"I hope they haven't taken my face out of the system yet."

"What do you mean?"  Asked Mark.

"See this door we are coming down to?" Said Max as they descended the stairs.  "Well there is a tiny camera above it that recognizes the faces of agents.  If your face is in the computer than it opens for you.  If it doesn't then it seals automatically."  As thy reached the bottom of the steps the door thankfully opened.

"But my face is not in your computer."  Mark said as they entered the hallway and walked towered the next door.

"It's okay.  You're with me."

"What's with the red line down the middle of the floor?"  Murphy asked as the second door opened.

"They guy who decorated seemed to like straight lines.  I think it might have had something to do with his last job."

"What was that?"

"He painted the yellow lines in the road."

"That explains a lot."  Murphy couldn't believe he used to think secret agents were cool.

They walked through the series of doors until thy reached the brick wall with the phone booth.

"Looks like a dead end."  Mark said, a bit bewildered.

Max smiled knowingly.  "Or so it seems.  C'mon follow in the booth."

Murphy scrunched up his nose.  "I'm a dog not a sardine."  He wasn't sure he wanted to be in such close quarters with their new ally.  Nevertheless he obeyed the command. They all scrunched into the small space and Max shut the door.  He lifted the phone off the hook and began dialing.

"One of you guys didn't wear deodorant."  Just as Murphy said this, the floor disappeared from beneath them and they were transported to the lower floor.  They walked through another sliding door and into the empty lobby.

Max looked around in concern.  "I don't understand it."  The anxiety in his voice was apparent.  "Someone is always here.  I mean even on days off at least Larabee is here to answer the phone."  He walked into the Chief's office and up to the desk.  "Hey Mark, just where exactly is this KAOS warehouse?"

"It's…"

"Just a minute!  This is top-secret."  Max cut him off mid-sentence.  "This is a job for the Cone of Silence!"

"The what?"  Both Mark and Murphy said at once.

"Max just smiled and seated himself comfortably in the Chief's chair.  He then told them both to sit across from him.  "You'll both have to sit on the same chair if you both want to fit inside."

Murphy didn't budge from his spot on the floor.  "I am not a lap dog.  Thank you."

Max just shrugged.  "Suit yourself."  He then pushed a small red button on the side of the desk.  Immediately a contraption was lowered from the ceiling.  It was two domes made of some sort of clear plastic that fit over Max and Mark's heads.

"Okay," Max began once it touched the desk.  "Now, where is this warehouse?"

Mark cupped a hand to his ear.  "What?"

"Where is the warehouse?"

"I don't have a mouse."

Murphy rolled his eyes.  He was outside the 'Cone of Silence' and could hear every word they were saying.  "He wants to know where the warehouse is."

Mark nodded.  "Oh.  It's on Fescue Street."

"We're going to a Barbecue to eat?" 

Murphy interrupted again.  "He says Fescue Street."

"Oh."

The dog shook his head.  He couldn't handle this anymore.  He walked over to the other side of the desk, put his front paws on it and pushed the red button.  The 'Cone of Silence' was raised.  "Mark, just write the address on a piece of paper."

Mark complied, then gave the paper to Max who proceeded to quickly explain the situation on the paper: On Fescue street is the lady who eats dog food, I mean makes dog food. Cat food too.  She might even make bird food.  I don't know.  But she's the one we're looking for.  Because she makes food.  Animal food that is.  

Mark was reading over Max shoulder as he wrote.  He shook his head and snatched the note away from him.  He turned the paper over and wrote one simple sentence:  KAOS leader, Fescue dog-food warehouse.  Carol O'Shanon.

"Um, guys.  I have to go outside."  Murphy interrupted. 

"Why?"  Max asked.  "What's outside?"

Mark rolled his eyes.  "He has to go to the bathroom."

"Oh, well why didn't he say so?  The restroom is over there."

Murphy cocked his head and scrunched up his nose.  "If you think I'm going to use one of those stupid toilet things you've got another think coming."

"Can't you hold it a minute?"  Said Max irritably.

"Look, it's not my fault that dogs have small bladders.  But they do, so I need to go outside _now._"

"We'd better take him out."  Mark warned.

"I wouldn't want to hike my leg on this nice oak desk here."

"Okay, okay!"  Max set the note in the center of the Chief's neat desk then got them back into the phone booth elevator.  They quickly ran through the automatic doors and out of the building.  They went across the street to the park so Murphy could do his business.  He finished promptly then they got into Mark's car and drove out onto the street.

Ironically, just as they turned the corner the Chief, 99 and Larabee pulled into the CONTROL parking lot in Larabee's caddy.  They forlornly walked up to the entrance and the Chief pulled out his key and was about to open the door when to his surprise he realized it was unlocked.

"Someone has been in here since we left."  He stated, more than slightly worried.

"Are you sure you locked it Chief?"

"I'm absolutely positive."

"I asked because I remembered that one time…do you remember when you said you were absolutely positive and then—"

"Larabee!  I distinctly remember locking this door!"

"Oh, well if you're sure."

The Chief groaned.  "Come on."  They hurried routinely through the series of doors and down the phone booth.  Immediately as they entered the lobby Larabee went into a violent sneezing fit.

"There's been a dog in here Chief."

"You can't be allergic to dogs Larabee. You're around Fang all the time."  99 reasoned.

"Who says I'm allergic to dogs?  A hairball just went up my nose."  He dug the fuzz out and showed them.  "And it ain't Fang's 'cuz it's white."

"That's disgusting Larabee!  Go blow your nose."  99 shouted in repulsion.

He shrugged and went into the bathroom.  

The Chief began scouring the room for clues of who had infringed upon this underground base.  99 yelped in surprise as she noticed a mouse on the file cabinet.  She jumped back pushing the Chief's leather chair against the bathroom door.  She got up quickly as something caught her eye.

"Chief, look, there's a note on your desk!"  

He picked it up and read it aloud:  "KAOS leader Fescue dog-food warehouse.  Carol O'Shannon"     

"There's writing on the back too."  99 pointed out.  He turned it over and read that too:  "'On Fescue Street is a lady who eats dog food, I mean makes dog food.  Cat food too.  She might even make bird food.  I don't know.  But she's the one we're looking for.  Because she makes food.  Animal food that is.'"

"That sounds like something Max would write."

The Chief looked it over for a moment.  "That's strange.  The hand writing on the front is different from the handwriting on the back."  He gave it to 99 to see.

"Chief!  This is Max's handwriting!"  She shouted hopefully. 

"Don't kid yourself Ninety-nine."  He said sadly.  He looked over the note again.  "This could be a trap.  But on the other hand it could be a vital clue.  I'll call agent 32 and –0 to check it out."  He began to reach for the phone when he heard a feminine voice behind him, and it was not 99s. 

"Not so fast Thaddeus."  He quickly turned around and saw standing in the doorway a giant of a man in a black suit and sunglasses standing alongside one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen.  She was thin with a round face, crimped blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail.  She wore tight black pants, a sleeveless pink turtleneck with a black vest over it.  She also had a revolver trained directly at them.  

"Who are you?"  The Chief and 99 asked at the same time.

"Carol O'Shannon at your service. So you've finally found me out, huh?  Took you CONTROL idiots long enough.  But now that you know I'm involved I'm afraid you'll have to come with me."

"But how did you know that we knew? We just found out."  99 inquired.  

She smiled and pulled a tiny remote control out of her pocket.  It was about the size of a matchbox with a minuscule joystick, screen, and buttons.  She pressed one of them.  

Suddenly the tiny brown mouse scurried across the floor and up the woman's leg and into her hand.  "My little friend here dose most of my spying for me."

"I still don't understand."  The Chief said in confusion.

"Well, my ignorant adversary if you will just come with me perhaps you will comprehend.  Not that your information will do you any good of course.  For you will never be able to share it."

Ms. O'Shanon led them outside, pushed them into a car and drove off.

Meanwhile Max, Mark and Murphy had turned around.  They were again headed back to CONTROL.  In their hurry to get out of the office before Murphy had an accident Max had forgotten his pen.  The one with the FM radio in it.   Once again they went down the hall and descended in the elevator.

"People were just here."  Murphy informed them as they entered the lobby. 

"Don't be silly, mutt."  Max said in annoyance.  "We just left here half an hour ago."  As they entered the Chief's office they heard a banging sound coming from inside the bathroom.  Max kicked the chair that had been propped against the door.  It flew open and Larabee tumbled to the floor.  He looked up and said:

"Oh, hi Max's ghost."  Max frowned.  

"What are you talking about, it's me, Max."  

"You can't fool me.  I know you're dead."    

"What?  I am not."

"Okay, prove you're not dead."  Larabee crossed his arms.

"I'm here aren't I?"

"Well, uh, er."  While Larabee's train of thought was boarding at the station Mark interrupted.  

"Now you can tell him about the warehouse."  

"Oh, we already know about that.  Someone wrote us a note.  I over heard 99 and the Chief while I was blowing my nose."

"We wrote that note and…Wait, where is the Chief and 99?"

"Oh, yeah.  I knew there was something I needed to tell someone.  They were kidnapped by some lady.  I couldn't see who it was 'cuz I was stuck in here but it sounded like a lady.  I guess her name, Carol, could have tipped me off too."  

Murphy sat quietly listening.  He wondered if all spies were stupid.

"It's her."  Mark exclaimed.  "Cache! 

"Of course, Cache!"  Said Max.  "It has to be Cache.  It couldn't be anyone but Cache.  There's just one thing that bothers me, Mark."

"What's that?"

"Who's Cache?"

"The woman I've been telling you about all along!"  Mark was beginning to seriously doubt the sanity of this whole operation.

"Right."  After a moments thought he added.  "Before we rescue them let's stop at the special weapons department."

They walked down another grey hallway (this one lacking the red stripe) until they came to a large door with an official looking sign, which read: SPECIAL WEAPONS DEP.  –KAOS AGENTS FORBIDDEN.  Max pulled a key out of his vest pocket and unlocked it.

As they entered Mark and Murphy stared in awe at the walls.  On them hung every kind of weapon imaginable and some unrecognizable but most completely unbelievable.   

  "Wow."  Mark breathed in awe as they walked through a isle arrayed with a mind-boggling collection of doodads.  Like a proud father Max began to exhibit each contraption, explaining its featured points.  After a while Murphy became uninterested and started sniffing around.  He began to drool involuntarily as a familiar odor reached his nostrils.  Snuck up0 to the table where the smell seemed to be coming from and put his front paws on the counter.  There just under his nose was a small box filled with bone-shaped biscuits.  His mouth began to water uncontrollably and soon two dripping strings that resembled shoelaces were oozing from his jaws.  He was about to take a big mouthful of those tantalizing treats when he was stopped mid-bite by a harsh voice.

"Hey, STOP!  Don't eat those!"  Max yelled.  Mark ran over to Murphy and pushed him back to the floor.

"You know better."  Mark scolded.

Murphy frowned.  "I was only looking."

"That's good."  Max crossed his hands.  "Because if you ate one of those you'd fall asleep."

"Well that's not so bad."  

"…And when you wake up, you'll be dead."

"Oh."  

Mark scratched his chin for a moment then said:  "Bringing those might not be a bad idea."  Then of course being a vet added:  "But do you have any that are just tranquilizers?"

Max looked totally offended.  "Tranquilizers?  Of course we have tranquilizers!  What kind of spy organization do you think this is anyway?"  He beaconed them to follow him over to a corner where he opened up a closet packed full of…well just about everything.  

"Here's something that might come in handy."  Max pulled out a bag of fish-shaped kitty treats.  "These babies will put 'em down like that!"  He snapped his fingers.  "Smell just like catnip."  He also grabbed some of the 'knock out' versions of the dog biscuits and a couple other unidentifiable items and shut the 'sleep' closet.  

Then he hurriedly went around the room grabbing a handgun here, a teargas cufflink there and finally as he came back around to the door he handed Mark a watch.

"No thanks.  I've already got one."

"This isn't an ordinary watch.  It's a two-way radio, so we can be in contact with each other at all times."

"What about me?  Don't I get some cool spy stuff?"  Murphy looked up, jealous and indignant.

"Let's see you operate the buttons."  Was Max's only reply as they began walking down the hall back to the lobby.  

When they reached it Max gave Larabee the address of the warehouse and told him to send for backup.


	12. The Cat

**12.  The Cat**

Max, Mark and Murphy were now hiding in an ally across from the warehouse in question.  Max looked up at the huge dog biscuit with the 'Tasty Tidbits' logo on it that stood as large as a billboard on the roof of the building.

"That is the second biggest bone I've ever seen in my life."  He whispered.

"What was the biggest?"  Murphy asked, beginning to drool all over Mark's shoe.

"It's classified."  Max told him smugly.

Mark, getting miffed about his wet and slimy foot was about to inform his pet that the thing was made of wood and it wouldn't taste good so his saliva glands need not overwork themselves but he never got a chance to say it for he was interrupted by a loud crash behind them.  They all jumped about three feet in the air and turned around, expecting to find an enemy agent with a gun trained at their heads.  Instead they found a rather skinny calico cat emerging from among the spilled contents of a trashcan.  They all heaved a sigh of relief as they realized the perpetrator was not about to murder them.  

As the cat just stood, staring apprehensively at them Mark had an idea.  "Can you talk to cats?"  

"Of course I don't talk to cats!  They're always so snobby."  Murphy looked down his nose at the calico, who was watching the conversation with considerable interest.

"No, that's not what I mean."  Mark said hurriedly not wanting it to get away.  "Ask it if it knows anything."

"Of course she doesn't know anything.  She's a cat for crying out loud!"

"I mean has she seen anything suspicious!!"

"Oh.  I guess I could do that."  Then he mumbled under his breath.  "But I'd rather chase 'em."  As he walked over to the cat she arched her back and jumped onto some boxes.  From all Max and Mark could see they were just moving their ears, tails and occasionally making a small sound or two.  After this rather silent discussion Murphy turned back to his human companions.  

"She says we shouldn't go in there."

"Why?"  

"She's looked in the windows before because it smells like food in there- speaking of which I'm hungry."

"Just tell us what she said."

"Well I don't quite understand what she means but she says the humans that work there control most of the animals around here with some strange force.  Sounds like something out of a comic book huh?  'Attack of the Zombie Kitties'."

"Murphy!  We don't want to hear about your comic books, okay!  Ask her if she'll help us."

At this Max mumbled to himself.  "Forget the James Bond image.  From now on it's gonna be Max Doolittle, I just know it."  Then he spoke up, slightly irritated.  "This is insane!  How is a cat going to help us?  Even if it could why would it bother?"

"I know it sounds crazy, but, hey, Cache has a whole army of cats working for her.  And besides, your agency has dogs working for them.  You told me yourself that one of your partners is canine."

"Yeah, well…that's different!"  He protested.  "That's a cat!"

"Prejudice are we?"  Mark crossed his arms.

"No, but…"

"Look it's worth a try.  She can get in there without being noticed.  They will think that she's one of their minions.  That way she can look around and tell us where your friends are."

"She doesn't look anything like an onion."  Murphy put in.

"No, not onion.  Minion.  Like as in slaves that do the dirty work."

"Oh."

Max had thought about it and he had to agree with Mark.  It was worth a try.  He had to get 99 and the Chief out of there even if the methods were unorthodox and he said so.

"So ask her if she'll help." 

After another body-language discussion Murphy turned back.  "She says 'what's in it for her'."         

"What ever she wants."  Mark said hurriedly.

Max frowned.  "You can't offer her that.  I mean what if she wants a castle in Spain or the Sahara dessert or something?"

This time it was Marks turn to roll his eyes.  "What would a cat want with the Sahara?"

"Maybe she wants an expensive litter box."  Max explained matter-of-factly.  "Come on, the most she's gonna ask for is a couple cans of caviar."

Murphy interrupted.  "She will."

"Great!"  Mark exclaimed.

Max proceeded to give instruction.  "Tell her: when she gets in to find the entrance that's least guarded.  Than look for a perfect, gorgeous, statuesque, flawless, elegant—"

"Okay!  We get the point."

Max crossed his arms and made sure to get a couple more words in.  "—Beautiful, stunning brunette.  She'll most likely be restrained in some way with an older balding and rather grouchy man.  Once you've done that come back and report to us."

"And what ever you do don't eat the food."  Mark added.

Murphy translated.  The cat jumped down and seemed to nod at the two men as she let out a quick 'mew' and trotted across the street toward the warehouse.

"She says 'wish me luck'."

Now all they had to do was wait.


	13. To the Rescue

**13.  To the Rescue!**

They just sat there in the ally for what seemed like hours, staring at the warehouse and wondering what they were about to get involved in.  Well, actually, Murphy was daydreaming about eating the bone-shaped billboard when the cat finally returned.  She trotted up to them and gave a full report.  Murphy translated.  

"The only accessible entrance large enough for humans is a door on the west side that's unlocked but unfortunately it's guarded by a rather large bangle tiger.  Your friends are tied up in a room on the second floor.  They happen to be guarded by a bullmastiff.  No one seemed to notice me.  I guess with all the other animals in there I kind of fit in.  But I only saw two other humans besides your friends.  I tried to talk to the tiger but it was like he had a one-track mind.  He just kept saying 'must guard door.  Must guard door' over and over again."

"Tell her thank you and we'll meet her back here to discuss her reward."                       

Murphy spoke up once more.  "She says she would like to continue helping."

Mark looked surprised, but Max didn't.  "Why?"  Mark finally asked.

Max gave a little grunt.  "What do you mean 'why'?  Anybody would love the glamorous life of action and intrigue.  Battling the forces of evil and rottenness and protecting the ways of goodness and niceness.   There is no job more satisfying than being a spy."

Murphy interrupted.  "She says that she was born in and experimental lab and has seen the cruelties and horrors that humans put animals through for the purpose of science.  She managed to escape before she too was subjected to the tests but she has always wanted some way to get back at humans like that.  She feels that these humans are doing similar things and they need to be stopped."

Max pouted and crossed his arms.  "You shouldn't have interrupted me.  I was just about to say that."  After a moment of silence he changed the subject.  "Well let's go.  We can use these—" He pulled out a bag of the kitty tranquilizers.  "—To get rid of the tiger."

"But she said he was too focused."

"We'll have her bring them in and tell him that the boss, whoever that is, said it was okay."

Mark shrugged.  It was a long shot but he couldn't think of anything better.  As they crossed the street Murphy explained the plan.  When they reached the door they hunkered behind a pile of boxes.  Max handed the cat the bag of treats and watched as she entered through an unusually large pet door that was installed in the regular entrance.  It was but a moment before she peeked her black and orange-patched head back out the door signaling them to come in. 

Max opened the door slowly and checked all directions to make sure the coast was clear.  The only living thing he could see was the large tiger sleeping peacefully on the floor.  He entered with his newfound comrades at his heels.  Only after their eyes fully adjusted to the inside light did they entirely grasp where they were.  The place was huge, about three stories high.  It seemed twice as big inside as it looked outside.  In the center was a large machine it seemed to be some kind of assembly line working away efficiently at whatever it was intended to do.  Encircling that was huge vats of a boiling mixture that made the whole place reek of dead fish, rotting meat and other even more unpleasant odors that animals seem attracted to.  On the floor surrounding the machine and vats were stacks and stacks of boxes, each with it's own coded label.  Looking up they could see a series of catwalks made of a metal grating (similar to that of fire escapes) that lead to different rooms on the second story.

"She says they're up there."  Murphy translated as the cat started up the iron steps.  Max and Mark began to follow her but stopped when they realized Murphy was not.  

"Come on!"  Mark urged.

"I'm afraid of heights."  Murphy admitted with his tail between his legs.

"Just don't look down.  Hurry up!"

Murphy climbed up a few steps than stopped and whimpered.  He looked below him through the grating and dug his claws deep in the holes.

"You go on ahead."  Mark told Max.  "We'll be there soon."

Max nodded and continued to follow the calico until she stopped at a large metal door with another pet door at the bottom.  She put her paw on it to indicate that this was the entrance in question.  Max nodded and pulled out his .38 and carefully turned the knob.  As he opened the door he saw the Chief and 99 tied facing each other with hands behind their backs.  

"MAX!!" 99 cried.  Then promptly passed out.  Max set his gun down and was just about to go revive her when the Chief yelled.

"Max!?"  It was half surprise and half warning.  But the next words were definitely warning.  "The dog!"  He turned around to see a larger than large dog with teeth bared and advancing on him.  Now he wished he'd had the smarts just to put his gun back in the holster. 

"Don't worry," Max said confidently.  "I can handle a big stupid mutt like this."  He tried to give the dog a karate kick but before it made contact the huge jaws clamped down on his foot and pulled him off his feet.  He landed hard on his back hitting his head rather painfully on the pavement floor.  As he looked up he saw the monstrous 'hound of the Baskervilles' standing over him.  "Heh.  I hope I wasn't out of line with that crack about 'stupid mutt'."  He said meekly.  

With one quick motion he grabbed a pen out of his pocket and stabbed the end into the dog's side.  It made a quick yelp of pain than and turned to Max with a growl that said 'I'm going to tear you apart' (which he was planning on doing in the first place).  He was just about to take a big bite when everything started spinning.  He looked around the room and his vision was becoming blurred. His knees shook and he staggered to stay up but finally he collapsed in a heap on top of Max.  He promptly pushed him off picked up his gun and dusted himself off.  "The old tranquilizer-in-the-pen-trick.  Works every time."

Max walked over to the unconscious Ninety-nine and gently petted her cheek.  Her eyes opened slowly as she looked into those eyes that she thought she would never see again.  "Oh, Max.  Is it really you?"  She wanted to embrace him so bad, throw her arms around his neck and never let him go.  But his face was getting closer and she couldn't wait to be untied for a kiss that she thought had been lost forever.  But just before their lips touched she looked over his shoulder and a man with a gun appeared in the doorway.

"Max!"  She cried, right in his face.  "Behind you!!"  Her heart was pounding so hard she had just got the love of her life back and now it seemed she was about to loose him again.


	14. Captured

**14.  Captured**

At 99's warning his reflexes kicked in.  He whirled around and fired automatically.  There was a loud cry of pain as the man dropped his gun and was thrown back against the railing.  He fell to his knees his face contorted in agony as he clutched his left shoulder.

"Mark!"  Max cried as he realized what he'd done.  Max ran over to him and kneeled down.  "I'm really sorry about that."  Mark only groaned in reply.  This was more pain than when he spilled that acid in chemistry class.  It was hard to comprehend that an object as small as a bullet could cause such agonizing pain.  Max looked down at Mark's shoulder.  There was a crimson spot growing rapidly larger on his sweater-vest and in the center was a hole in the fabric just below his collarbone and Max was sure it went a lot deeper than that.

He was about to look for something to stop the bleeding when he heard someone yell from his right.  He turned to see two burly men and a beautiful blonde woman coming toward them.  Max pulled his revolver out again but the two brutes were upon him before he even had a chance to aim.  Max held his own pretty well at first but Mark knew he couldn't do it for long if he didn't have help.  With great pain and effort he grabbed the rail and pulled himself to his feet.  He was about to jump in and help Max's cause when the world started spinning.  His vision was blurred and his eyes refused to focus on any one thing.  Finally giving in to his body's orders he slumped back down to the floor.  Mark just sat and watched helplessly as the two Arnold Schwarzenegger-like thugs overcame Max.

In no time they found themselves being tied up along with 99 and the Chief.  Mark was now in a daze, not quite in tune with his surroundings.  As one of the men were tying them up Max was still resisting.

"You shouldn't bother to tie me up."  He was saying.  "I can get out of anything.  After all I'm known as the worlds greatest spy.  Would you believe it?  The greatest."  

Cache raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.  "I find that extremely hard to believe."

The Chief rolled his eyes.  He knew what was coming next.

"The second greatest?"  Max tried.

"I don't think so."

"How 'bout a high-ranking boy scout?"

Even in the extreme pain he was in Mark couldn't help but to roll his eyes.  He couldn't believe how much this sounded like something out of a Mel Brooks movie.  

Max continued his argument and Cache seemed to be enjoying it.  "Well, we still win.  Because good is better than evil!"

"And why is that Mr. Smart."  She said in a cocky tone.

"Because it's nicer."  And he gave his 'so there' nod.   

About that time Murphy popped his head in the door.  He would have come earlier but he'd got his toenails stuck in the grating.  Cache noticed him and motioned him inside.  He looked at Mark, unsure of what to do.  Mark forced himself to give Murphy the keep-your-mouth-shut-and-do-what-she-tells-you gesture before he completely blacked out.  "Good.  We've got another guard already."  It was lucky that Murphy's fur was long enough to hide his collar or it would have given him away as the enemy.  Then she turned to the cat who had been sitting on the counter the whole time not quite sure what to do since she could not understand what was being said.  "You," Cache pointed at the cat then Murphy. "And you.  Watch them."  She turned to the guards.  "If they try to escape the animals alarms will go off."  They began walking out the door.

"Wait!"  Max called.  "What about Mark?"

"What about him?"  She asked coldly.

"He needs a doctor.  You can't just leave him here."

"I'll have you know, Mr. Smart, that I can do whatever I want."  And with that she left, the two brutes following behind her. 

Ninety-nine was still in shock.  "I can't believe you're alive!"  He was glad to see her too but right now he was more worried about Mark who was limp in his chair, his bonds the only thing keeping him from falling over onto the floor.  Max noticed nervously that the red spot on his shirt was growing larger.   


	15. A Kiss of Life

  15.  A Kiss of Life

"Mark?  Mark?"  After Max's prodding didn't produce any response Murphy stepped forward nervously.

"Is he gonna be okay?"

99 yelped in surprise as the dog spoke.  The Chief just stared, perplexed.  He was beginning to think he was hallucinating.  _First Max comes back and now a talking dog.  Am I going out of my mind?_

"I think he'll be alright.  It's just a shoulder wound.  But he's still loosing a lot of blood.  Hurry and untie us."  

As Murphy and the cat began working on the knots 99 spoke in amazement.  "What's going on here Max?"  

"Oh, sorry.  I forgot to introduce you.  This is Murphy—"  He broke out of the ropes and began working on theirs.  "That's Mark.  Murphy, this is 99 and the Chief."  The Chief just gave a slight nod of recognition.  "And that's…eh…Murphy what did she say her name was?"  Max asked, indicating the cat.

"Don't have one."

"That's a funny name."  Max said to himself as he kept untying the knots.

Murphy stopped whimpering about Mark and looked at the Chief.  "If it wasn't for us he wouldn't of found you."

"I would to have found them!"  Max contradicted rather loudly, then added under his voice:  "Eventually."  When he was through untying them he kneeled down next to Mark and patted him gently on the face.  "Mark, Mark wake up."  When he didn't get a reply he frowned.  _Now why would a guy black out over just a little old shoulder wound?  I guess he hasn't been trained to withstand torture or to be impervious to even the most excruciating pain like I have.  _He turned to 99.  "Do you have any smelling salts with you?"  

She shook her head.  "They took my purse."  She looked lovingly over at Max and shunned herself for believing that he could ever leave her.  Never again, she promised herself, would she even have a flirtation with the idea of them not being together forever.  

Then she began to remember the intense, painful, empty feeling she had suffered.  It was like the stabbing pain of hunger only so much worse.  It was as if, in dieing, Max had tore her heart from her chest, leaving an agonizingly empty hole in her chest that only he could fill.  It had been the worst sensation of her life, and as she stood there, watching him, she was hoping, praying…no…vowing that she would never feel it again.

"We've got to get him out of here and I don't think we can do it unless he's awake.  We'll be running from the bad guy, trying to ruin her evil scheme, and finding a way out and we can't do that carrying dead weight.  So we've got to get him conscious so he can carry himself."

99 couldn't stand it anymore.  She knew what was going on but wasn't really listening.  She through her arms around Max's neck and burst into tears.  "Oh, Max!  I'm so sorry about the things I said.  Can you ever forgive me?"  She cried between sobs.

"Of course I do."  He said, softly petting her hair.  Although he couldn't exactly remember what she should be sorry about.  

"It was horrible.  I have never been so afraid in my life!  I can't live without you.  I can't!  Without you, Max, I have nothing.  Promise you'll never leave me."

"99 you know that I—"

"Please.  I just need to hear it.  I don't want to go through anything like that again!"

"I promise."

"I don't blame her."  The Chief spoke up in a serious but ever-so-relieved tone.  "The last couple days have been a nightmare."

"I just hope this nightmare has a fairytale ending."  Max said.

"That's it!"  99 broke the embrace and began wiping her tearstained face.

"That's what?"  The Chief, Max and Murphy all asked at once.  By now the cat was laying on the counter and watching the situation with mild interest.

99, being a spy, was used to recovering quickly from traumas.  Now that she knew Max was alive and well, this was just another adventure that they could all overcome together.  "A fairytale ending!  It worked on you before."  She said to Max.  "And it always works in the movies."

"What dose?"  This seemed rather backward to the Chief.  Usually it was Max that didn't make any sense.  

"A kiss."  She said at last.

"I'd love one."  

"Not you.  Him."  She pointed at Mark's limp form.

Max frowned accusingly.  "But you hardly know him!"

"Max, you know you're the only man I love.  But you did say it'll be easier to get out if he's awake, right?"

"Yes, but…"

"Do you remember the times when you were unconscious and when I kissed you and you woke up?"

"Well, yeah, but…"

"Do you remember the end of Sleeping Beauty?"

"Uh…"

"Snow White?"

"Fine!  Just make it snappy."  He crossed his arms.  _I never did like those movies anyway._  He grumbled to himself.    "And you better not enjoy it."  He added aloud as 99 kneeled next to Marks chair.

She really did hate to do it.  Mostly for Max's sake.  She could see how hard it would be to watch your spouse kiss someone else, even if the other party was unconscious.  But right now this mans life was more important than her and Max's personal feelings.  She kept that thought in mind as she gently tipped his head back and braced herself.  (for what, she wasn't quite sure)   

At first there was nothing, just silence and blackness. Then a hot, electrifying sensation jump-started Marks awareness.  He would have described it as similar to sticking your lips in a light socket.  With the 99 volts, or should I say 99's volts, pulsing through his body it didn't take long for all his senses to kick in.  He slowly opened his eyes about half way.  As the clouds in his sight cleared 99's flawless face took up his whole vision.  _I'm dead._  He thought, not too disappointed.  _I've died and gone to heaven.  Where else would I get to kiss an angel?_  He took a breath to speak and that's when the pain hit.  It practically knocked him out of his chair.  Then worst of all came the dog breath.  Murphy had swapped places with 99 and was now whimpering in Mark's face.  He then got another kiss.  Only this time it was wet, smelly and slobbery.

He was beginning to reevaluate his former deduction.  _I don't think I did anything bad enough to go to the other place; But this is definitely NOT heaven!_


	16. Bullets and High Heels

Note from author:  I'm really sorry it took so long but I've been real busy.  Sorry about that Chief.

16. Bullets and High Heels

"Are you gonna be okay?"   Murphy whimpered, sniffing Mark's blood stained shirt.

He nodded his head slightly.  Even that hurt.

"Look, Mark…" Max said, sheepishly pawing the floor with his foot.  "…I'm really sorry about that.  Is there anything I can do?"

Mark gave a low groan then spoke in a raspy voice.  "Just don't do it again."  At the moment he was in too much pain to be mad at anyone.

99's eyes suddenly light up.  "Max!"  She yelled excitedly.  The Chief quickly shushed her.  She apologized and continued in a quieter tone.  "I forgot, I have my 'bullet kit!'"

"But I thought they took your purse."  

"But my 'bullet kit' is in my shoes.  About a week ago Prof. Windish gave me these."  She began taking her black heels off. 

"Oooh.  That's clever.  Use your shoes as a purse so you wouldn't have to put your feet in a bag, and if they took your purse they wouldn't be taking your heels because your feet would be in your shoes and if your feet are in your shoes…eh…if your feet are…uh…the shoes would be…" Max suddenly realized he hadn't the foggiest idea what he was getting at.  

"If your feet are in your shoes-?"  Murphy asked impatiently."

"They won't get cold."  Max finally found an intelligent (or so he thought) ending to his statement.

Mark groaned again, only more loudly this time.  _I haven't died and gone to heaven.  I've died and gone to a Mel Brooks marathon!  _

99 ignored Max's babbling (which was pretty easy by this time in their relationship) and opened the heels of her shoes to reveal a hidden compartment in each one.  Out of the right compartment she pulled out a large white pill and set of tweezers that telescoped to a foot long, out of the left came what looked like a large, white, foam earplug.  She held the pill up to Mark's mouth.  "Take this."

Being in the physician's field, even though he was just a vet, he prided himself in knowing most all prescription and off-the-shelf drugs and this one was unknown to him.  

"What's that?"  He asked hoarsely.

"What do you mean 'what's that'?"  Max asked.  "I can't believe you don't know what that is.  Some doctor you are.  It's your job to know that kind of thing.  'What's that' ha."  

"Well, what is it?"  Mark, Murphy and the Chief asked impatiently.

"Well, go ahead, tell 'em what it is 99."

"Basically it's just a pain pill, but it works almost instantaneously and is so strong that it can render even the most excruciating pain bearable.  Now open up!"  Mark started to say something but 99 took the opportunity and shoved the capsule in his mouth before he could utter a word.

Marks face tensed and his nose wrinkled as the pill began to dissolve in his mouth.  He swallowed quickly.  "Yeeech!"  Instantly the pain began to fade.  It didn't altogether disappear but he no longer felt like he was going to pass out every time he so much as blinked.  "Thanks."  He said, forcing a smile. 

"We're not done yet."  She began rubbing the tweezers with an alcohol swab that also came from her shoe.  His eyes widened as he realized what she was about to do.  He'd done it many times through out his practice but he had never been on the other side of the tweezers.  "We're going to take the bullet out."  99 hated to do this.  She wished she could just turn her back and let someone else do it.  But the Chief's eyes weren't as keen as they used to be and there was no way she would trust Max's fumbling hands with a delicate procedure such as this.  "Take your shirt off."

"99!!"  Max exclaimed, appalled.  "First you kiss him and now this?"

"Oh, Max."  She explained quietly as she helped Mark with his sweater-vest.  "I have to be able to see what I'm doing."

"Alright.  Fine.  You can see what you're doing.  Just don't look."

She heaved a weary sigh and continued unbuttoning Mark's shirt.  "Even with the pain-killer this is going to hurt."

Mark nodded and braced himself.  99 did the same.  Even though just the thought made her queasy she inserted the metallic tongs.  Mark's whole body tensed and his feet locked around the legs of the chair.  She could hear his teeth grind as she probed further.  Then she felt the satisfying click of metal on metal.  With one quick twisting jerk and a loud yelp out of Mark the bullet was extracted.

He just sat there panting as 99 put the tweezers away.  He looked down and immediately wished he hadn't.  The, now unstopped, blood vessels were pouring more of the sickeningly red fluid from the open wound.  He was used to blood with performing countless surgeries routinely it was inevitable.  Even though he saw the substance just about every working day of his life, seeing so much of his own still made him nauseous.  

He didn't have time to think about it for long though.  For the efficient 99 was now twisting the foam thing so it compacted into a three inch long rope about as thick as a pen.

"I don't think it matters how big the earplug is, if you don't have two it ain't gonna work."  Murphy said, as he watched with interest.

"It's not an _ear_plug.  It is a plug though."  99 explained calmly.

"Than what's it for?"  Mark was afraid he already knew.

"It's a bullet plug."     

"I was afraid it was something like that."  He groaned.  _Will this ordeal ever end?_     

They had a bit of a struggle getting it in place.  But once it was in it stopped the bleeding quite efficiently.  Mark was impressed with the invention and wondered why someone hadn't thought of it before.

"Thank you, Miss…?"

"I'm 99, and that's the Chief."  

Murphy looked up at her amazed.  "You're 99?  Wow.  How many facelifts have you had?"

"No."  Max explained.  "That's her agent number, mutt.  Actually, she's CONTROL's best agent, besides myself of course."  99 rolled her eyes and the Chief got a look on his face that said 'I think I'm going to barf'.  "Not to mention she's my wife." He finished.

"Oh," Murphy nodded as though a light bulb had switched on in his doggie brain.  "So she's the one who watched coldly as you lost your job and then hung up on you in your time of need."  

"MAX!"  99 yelled.

"MURPHY!"  Mark scolded.

"CHIEF!"  Max turned for support.

"MEOW!"  Shouted a voice above the others.

"Meow?"  They all repeated looking down at the smallest member of their group who was now standing amidst them.

"She says 'what are we all standing around for?  Are we going to stop the bad guy or what?'"  Murphy translated.

Max looked down skeptically.  "You got all that from 'meow'?"

"So I paraphrased a little.  So impound me!"


	17. Planning

**17.  Planning**

Max was leaning against the wall, deep in thought.  Well, he was trying to be deep in thought.  He was really only in up to his ankles.  He scratched his chin with a 'hmmm'.  "We've got to figure out how to put a monkey wrench in her plans."  He glanced at Mark, who shrugged his shoulders and immediately wished he hadn't.

"I've got it!"  99 cried.

"A monkey wrench?"

"If we had one that would work.  All that equipment is run with gears and if we can shove something in there that'll get caught then pressure will build up and ruin it.  Probably rendering it irreparable."

"That's a good idea, but it needs a few more steps."  Mark put in.  "See, everything in here, I'm sure, is run by computers.  The part of the equipment that actually makes the sensors is probably fairly small.  What you can see out there is mostly just making dog food and mixing in the sensors.  The other thing we need to do is find where the computers are and crash them.  That way she looses not only the equipment but all the information on how to make them."

"Yes," the Chief said, feeling their situation was bleak.  "But we haven't a clue where these computers could be."

"Mew?"

"What'd she say?"  Mark asked his shaggy companion.

It was Max who answered first.  "She said 'mew'."

"I meant in English."

"Well, how should I know?"  He shrugged his shoulders.  "I can't speak cat."

"I wasn't talking to _you!_"  Mark said through clenched teeth.

"Oh."

"Is he for real?"  Murphy asked from where he lay on the floor.

Mark ignored the comment and repeated his question.  "What did she say?"

"She wants to know how we're going to escape."

"Tell her we need to find the main computers but we don't know where they are."

Murphy nodded and obeyed.  

"Mew?"  Said the tabby when he was through translating.

"What a stupid cat!"  Murphy sneered. 

"Why?"

"She wants to know what a computer is."

"Well, just tell her!  Say it's a glowing box."

The Chief and 99 watched Mark and Murphy's exchange with complete fascination.  They still weren't accustomed to the dog's speech.

After another silent conversation between the furry members of the group Murphy looked up and said, "She says they're across the bridge behind a door on the opposite wall."

Max got onto his hands and knees to peek his head out the dog door.  He could see most of the warehouse.  Below, through the grating, he could see stacks of wooden crates.  The assembly and baking machine stood in the center of the floor completely surrounded by a chain-link fence topped with coils of barbed wire.  To his right he could see the 'bridge'.  It was merely a walkway connecting the two catwalks on opposite sides of the building.  It was suspended from the ceiling directly over the dog food machine.  But a large cover of aluminum protected the section below the bridge, apparently to prevent anyone from dropping anything into the equipment.  He looked down again and could see a large bear pacing below him.  Before he could be spotted he quickly slipped back inside.

"Ask Miss. Kitty how many animal guards are out there."

Murphy was getting seriously tired of getting bossed around but nevertheless he obeyed Max's command.  "There's three."  He answered for her.  "A lion, a tiger and a bear."

"Oh, my!"  99 was amazed that one person had access to these types of animals.

"Seems like the first thing we need to do is get them out of the way."  The Chief was rubbing his hands together nervously.

"I've still got two of these tranquilizing treats with me."  He displayed the bone-shaped cakes.  "That takes care of two.  The other we'll have to trap somehow.  Maybe in one of those empty crates down there."    

"Someone should get out and call the police or something.  Your 'backup' doesn't seem to be backing us up."

"It's not the backup.  Its just Larabee.  He'll be on his break now so if you call now you'll get someone with a little more…"  The Chief seemed to be searching for the right word.  

"Brains?"  Murphy tried.  

The Chief nodded.  That was the first word he thought of but he had been trying to be tactful.  

"Okay,"  Max said taking charge.  "99, the Chief and I will distract the animals while Mark calls CONTROL.  The number is—"

Mark interrupted.  "I can't leave.  I'm the only one who can crash the computer."

"But you may have to fight to get in there and you're in no shape to even try."

"I'll be fine."  (He hoped)  "I'll have Murphy distract whoever's in there and lure them out so I can get to the console."

"Why me?"  Murphy wrinkled his nose.

"Because I ration out your biscuits."

The dog snorted in disgust.  "Why do I get all the lousy assignments?"

"Okay,"  Max said reluctantly.  "But be careful.  So Mark, the Chief and I will stay and 99 you'll ca—"

This time 99 interrupted.  "No Max!  I'm not leaving you here!"

"But it's very dangerous.  Those animals could rip a person to shreds.  You wouldn't have a chance—"

"If something happens at least we'll be together.  I _will not_ risk loosing you again."  Max looked into her determined eyes and realized it was pointless to argue.  She would not back down.

He sighed deeply.  "You do realize that you'll be in extreme danger every moment.  Your life will be at stake 99."

She gave him a cocky smile.  "And loving it."

"Well, looks like you got the short straw, Chief.  You get to call."

He nodded.  He hated to leave his agents in a situation like this but this seemed the best way he could help.

"Okay."  Max was enjoying bossing everyone around.  "So, while the Chief calls for backup Mark and Murphy will be taking care of the computers and 99 and I will clean up the guards and sabotage the machinery."

"Mrroowwrr."

"What'd she say that time?"

"'You bulky humans can't get to the machine.'"

"Why not?"

"She says 'the fence around it is locked good and there's barbed wire at the top.  The only hole is way to small for a human to get through.'"  

"Can she get through?"

"Yeah."

"Ask her if she could stuff something into the equipment."

Murphy turned to the tabby and told her the request.  Her ears perked up and she looked up at all the humans towering above her.  She gave a quick nod and trotted over to the door.  She put one paw on the flap and was about to push it open when she stopped.  Her head turned to her companions and a quick 'mew' escaped from her whiskered mouth.

They didn't need a translation.  It was more than obvious that it was a 'Well…?'.  As in 'Well, what are you waiting for?'.


	18. Change of Plans

**18. Change of Plans**

Max was on his hands and knees staring at the giant brown furball pacing beneath the grating.  He was lucky that the Schwarzenegger twins had left only moments earlier but he would rather it had been the bear.  That was one big bear.  He sure hoped the little dog-bone shaped scrap of tranquilizer would work on the brute.  He swallowed a lump in his throat as he thought of having to fight that thing to the door.  

He gasped as he felt something furry pounce on his head.  The bone fell from his grasp as he tore the thing from off him and pinned it to the floor.   His adrenaline pounded in his ears as he cocked his fist, ready to fight whatever snarling beast he discovered.   He let out a deep sigh of relief as he saw the small whiskered face staring accusingly up at him.  

He let the cat go.  "Sorry about that"  

Her two green eyes bored into him reproachfully as if to say:  "What's wrong with _you_?" 

There was a low snuffing sound below them.  The bear was inspecting the item that had fallen from the above.  (maybe the sky was falling)  The sky sure smelled good.  With one quick slurp from it's oversized tongue it consumed the morsel and continued pacing.  

Max's heart sank.  _It's not going to work!  I don't want to wrestle that.  I like bear hugs but only from 99._  A THUD interrupted his thoughts.  The bear had collapsed into a furry heap.  _YES!!_  He turned around and opened the dog door.  "Coast is clear Chief."

The Chief of CONTROL clambered awkwardly from the opening.  "Thanks Max.  Good luck."  He gave 86 a pat on the shoulder.  Max watched as he boss hurried along the catwalk, down the stairs and out of the building.

Meanwhile in another room.

"What?"  The female's face flushed with frustration as she fidgeted fiercely with the flashing panels forefront.  (say that ten times fast)  One of the monitors before her had just winked out.  She flipped a stray strand of yellow crimped hair from her eyes as she typed some more commands into the computer.  _Why would the bear monitor go out?  That doesn't make sense!  If there's another problem with this equipment there's no way I'm calling customer service again.  I'll end up shooting the phone if I have to be on hold for an hour listening to elevator music.  Hmmmmmm.great torture strategy.  I'll have to remember that one.  _She shook her head, bringing her mind back to the problem at hand.  

Her fingers flew over the keyboard as she instructed the computer to display the last minute of what the sensors recorded.  The earlier view from the bear's eyes came up immediately.  Carol O'Shannon watched the view-screen closely as the creature paced routinely.  She sat up in her chair as she saw a small object fall into view.  The thing grew larger as the bear moved in to inspect it.  She frowned as it dawned on her what it was.  The biscuit disappeared as Cach`e's minion devoured it.  Only moments later the screen grew fuzzy before blacking out altogether.  

"Tranquilizers!"  The desk shuttered as she slammed her clenched fist onto its surface.  She would have slapped herself in the forehead but was afraid she might have knocked herself out.  _How could I have been so stupid?!  They used it on my tiger to get in. I was so deluded with having that pesky vet and another CONTROL agent that I didn't have them searched thoroughly. Apparently a quick weapons frisk wasn't enough.  But how did they escape?  There's no way they could have untied those knots!!  _For a moment she wished she hadn't let her two thugs leave the building.  But they pouted and whined unless they were allowed a daily doughnut break.  She would have preferred better company but these two thought the world of her and would eat mud had she asked them to.  In fact she had considered it a couple of times.  It was a pretty amusing thought but she hadn't been board enough to go out and find the mud.  _Oh, well. I don't need those idiots anyway.   Those do-gooders won't be getting out of here alive._  Her face morphed into an evil grin as she entered more commands into the computer.  With a satisfied nod she leaned back in her chair, set her feet on the desk and watched the monitors.    

"Do you see it?"  Max whispered 99 as she peeked around the corner of the large crate they were hiding behind.

"Yes."  Her reply was barely audible.  A large white tiger was grooming itself about fifteen feet from their hiding spot.

"Slide this over to it."  Max handed her one of the biscuits. 

She took it and pushed it across the floor where it skidded to a halt in front of the striped furball.  

"What's it doing now?"  Max asked, still hiding behind 99.

"It's washing its face."

"Don't tell me it didn't eat the tranquilizer!"

"It didn't eat the tranquilizer."

"I asked you not to tell me that!!"   He grumbled under his breath for a moment. 

"What are we going to do now, Max?"   As he appeared to be thinking 99 came up with an idea.  "Hey!  I bet we could fool it into one of these empty crates."

"Will you stop talking while I'm thinking, 99.  It's very distracting."  After another moment of thought.  "I've got it!  We could lure them into some of these crates and trap them!"

"Brilliant, Max."

"Thank you, 99"    

 

"Will you hurry up, Murphy?!"  Mark wasn't moving at light speed himself but his dog was going at a snails pace.  

"Don't rush me!"  The canine said as he took half a step with his front paw.  He was shaking and staring through the grating at the ground far below him.

"How many times have I told you not to look down?"  

"I can't help it.  I've got a crick in my neck.  Okay?"  He took another tiny step on the catwalk without taking his eyes off the ground.


End file.
